What a crazy time we are in. So many things are happening all in one span of time. Most of the time one likes to plan things out and accomplish items step-by-step. The Year 2020 was like Jack (Robin William’s movie), where it was birthed and wanted it’s milestones accomplished in short order. And why wait and let another year claim some bizarre milestone, lets hit them all at once…AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!! Part of me would rather be in the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and instead of building toward more chaos and “unknown” would rather have had the big ‘bang for the buck’ at the beginning and went backwards into peace and comfort of childhood.
So many things are off right now. I personally try to refrain from voicing my opinion on anything: political, COVID, #savethechildren, mask. Do I sometimes fail and make a remark or POV on a subject? Yes. Then it’s as if the Hell Hounds are released and it’s the end of the world. FORBID that someone would have a different opinion, that is slightly contrary to what you believe (though yours is different too) and it be voiced. With all that is going on in the world, it’s stressful, and now the added aspect of walking on eggshells constantly to avoid conflict (because there is enough negativity being spewed forth) makes it all the more enjoyable (heavy sarcasm here) to live life.
Many times I just want to stand and scream EGAD! It’s frustrating that people think that if you do not FEAR COVID or think that the sky is falling because someone has tested positive; that you do not take it seriously. People think that I lack empathy because I am of the opinion that if it happens, it happens. Is it sad that people are dying? Yes. I have personally been affected by friends who lost their battle with the disease. BUT, I also have friends and family that have lost their lives to other diseases, just as tragically and unexpectedly. Why are we not fighting against all diseases and viruses, something I have voiced since the beginning. Why are we not fighting against drug and alcohol abuse? Why are we not fighting against suicide in young people and Vets? Yes, there is the occasionally hashtag and “please share”, but not the same push and propaganda that a virus is receiving (that I personally think has been over inflated).
Over inflated? Yes. When you have an individual that is positive, they are tested. It’s marked as a positive. That same individual has to be re-tested to return to work, school, whatever. They continue to test positive (yes it happens, there were people that were tested multiple times and resulted positive). If that person is tested 5 times, that is five positives…but only one person. It’s like explaining the Godhead…these five are one, not five. But if you just take the bare numbers of test, then it will be counted at 5, which in turn is over inflation.
I may seem brass or that I don’t care, or that I’m not taking it seriously. People wonder how I’m still going about my “daily life” as normal. But you know what, my life is NO LONGER NORMAL. Since this blew up in March my favorite past time of exploring churches, restaurants, and other locations came to a screeching halt. I have only recently been going back to some restaurants, but very limited; and churches are no longer open during the week — the sanctuary of peace has been closed to those who would seek solace. When I go to work, I am required to wear a mask for twelve hours, unless I am eating lunch and then I am only allowed to have it off if I sit six feet away from my fellow nurses. There are signs on our lounge door that only five people are allowed in there at a time (I think, may be less); therefore no more group celebrations or parties throughout the day. We are constantly being made aware that life will never be the same, because of this unseen demon that can now possibly be inside of our patients (though we have always taken care of people with diseases and viruses that are contagious).
My hair is falling out, I could possibly be bald soon if it continues at the rate at which it is going. I have talked to my PCP and we are taking measures to try and stop it or find a cause. Is it stress? Is it from wearing a scrub cap while at work? Who knows. I just know that it’s not normal and it didn’t start until COVID. I guess I can blame it for my hair loss like people are claiming deaths. If someone dies, who happens to test positive for COVID, but also was drunk driving, had cancer, jumped off a building…should we say they died from COVID? EGAD!!!
Some positive aspects of life: my niece moved to St Louis and is attending the Honor College at UMSL. Therefore I now have someone who’s schedule fits more along the lines of shift work, unlike my friends who have ‘normal jobs’ that I can go exploring with.
I know this seems to be a lot of rambling, if you stuck with me to the end…bless you. My thoughts are everywhere recently. With the restrictions placed on my daily and work life, with the election speeding along like a silver bullet (something will die – our freedoms possibly), and with there being a big gaping black hole of ‘unknown’ of what life will be like…who wouldn’t have random thought process. Part of me attempts to be like Scarlet in Gone with the Wind, “I’ll think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day”; but unfortunately it doesn’t always work out that way.
Maybe I should stop holding it all in and just let it fly, regardless of the repercussions of what is said and thought. LOL. My parents raised me not to allow that to happen; though I did have a slight learning curve during my teenage years. I finally conquered not allowing everything thought to escape my mouth (though sometimes my face speaks very loudly still).
All in all…though life is cray cray, and nothing is like it was…it is still well. God has a very good sense of humor…when I started the year off with the phrase ‘it is well’ as my word for this year, this life I am living was the furthest thing from my imagination. But just as the Shunammite Woman proclaimed while here son laid dead at home…IT IS WELL. As with her, the end result of it being well is a little foggy, but I know in the end it will be well…regardless.
Staying vigilant, strong, resilient and faithful…one day at a time.