The new year has arrived.  It’s crazy how fast it goes by.  Next year on this same date, I will be getting ready to start my final semester of school.  May 2013 will be my graduation…but I’m jumping ahead of myself a little bit.  I have twelve months of 2012 to live through first.  With all the ups and downs that come with life, I’m looking forward to what this year has in store for me.

Here’s to the year to come and the year that has just past!

ERM

Dear family, friends, and random stranger that may be reading this…

Merry Christmas!!  I cannot believe that it is this time of year again, 2011 is almost over and it seems like just yesterday that we were ringing in the new year.  So much and so little has happened this year that I do not know where to start.  At one time I was a great corresponder, I would write out Christmas cards make my ‘holiday’ letter and send them to people I barely knew as long as your address was in my address book and I kinda/sorta knew you.  Now you’re lucky if you get a ‘howdy’.  I’m terrible.  I’m also a broke college student with very little time on my hands; therefore I’m going the easy route and writing a blog that I will make available to everyone (via email, facebook, or if you know my web address) and I’ll call it even ~ though for those that sent me cards and letters I do feel guilty for not returning the favor.  Just know that you are WORTH .44 cents, the cost of an envelope and paper to me…but to get you updated and to wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year within this year, this was my route I had to take.  (Please forgive me!!)

This year was very random and also structured for me.  After finally deciding what I wanted to be when I grew up, at the age of 33,  I started the year off by testing for the RN Nursing program at Three Rivers College.  I tested in February and then had to wait until April to find out if I made it into the program; that was a VERY long two months.  I finally received my acceptance letter and knew that fall of 2011 was planned out for me; I would be starting the RN nursing program and hopefully the career that would take me into retirement.  I started the semester in August, and I’m pretty sure I will never be the same.  I knew it was going to be hard, and the work load was going to be more than in the past, but can honestly say that I was not prepared for what hit me that first morning of classes…nor the four months that followed.  Every day was a learning experience, with some highs and lows.  But I made it!!  I passed my first semester and we will continue on.

This is the uniform I get to wear for clinical days during school.  It’s better than some, and probably worse than some.  The top is a half-zipper shirt, instead of unzipping all the way down, it stops at about navel level…therefore you’re still pulling it off over your head.  Sometimes I feel like a gym contortionist.  And don’t miss the WHITE hose and shoes that top the outfit off, they add that special umph.  :)

In June my mom’s family (The Phillips) did a family reunion in Van Buren, MO.  It was great getting to meet everyone and spend the day/weekend with them.  Family is a great commodity!!  Some of her cousin’s couldn’t make it down for the reunion, so in July we hopped in the car and did a mini-vacation to Michigan to spend Fourth of July weekend with the Rowe’s.  It was a GREAT weekend spent with family, eating way to much food, adding a ‘CITY’ to my list of places I’ve been, and relaxing.

School started shortly after and I basically did nothing but eat, breath, and live school.  It was so bad that I didn’t step into a store other than Wal-Mart for four months.  In December (actually October when practices started), I took the part of Petunia in the annual Dinner Theater our church does (Christmas At Our House), we went for nine nights with approximately 350/night.  So we performed in front of about 3100 people that week, the women in the kitchen feed them (that’s A LOT of food), and the hard working people from the church pitched in and gave of themselves to bring joy to people in our community to kick off their Christmas season.  Sometimes I question my own sanity in taking on that endeavor with everything else (school, two jobs, and life in general); but it was worth it.  I love getting to see everyone from year to year, and being in the play is a lot of fun…and I survived so it’s all o.k. :)

When school let out after finals I took another mini-vacation to St. Louis and Columbia, MO.  I took a side trip to Devils ]Icebox one day.  It was a great time to relax, bum around the city, and do nothing.  Trying to regroup so I can start fresh com January 17 (when classes open again).  The time in God’s Country USA (otherwise known as National Forest), was great.  It was beautiful.

That wraps up my year of 2011.  Hope you enjoyed the update.  I would like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!  May we never forget the meaning of the Season, and give Him the acknowledgement He deserves for all He does for us behind the scenes and openly; not only during this Season but throughout the year.  God has been good to me this year, He has supplied my needs (financially and physically) and He has been there to help me through the lows and to walk with me through the highs of the past year.  Without Him I would be nothing.  I may not always be what I need to be, or the perfect person…but I know that He loves me.

I do hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year…

ERM

Well, my life isn’t so much in two’s anymore…we’ve accomplished our nine night dinner theater with positive feedback from the crowd’s.  We survived, as far as I know, and are now walking zombies with real life ahead of us the next couple of days.  I have my nursing final tomorrow, that I have yet to really study for (yikes), and then final conferences, and then ~ HOLD YOUR BREATH ~ DRUM ROLL ~ I have a five day stint of being a hermit.  I kick it off with a visit to my doctor in STL then I’m finding me some fuzzy pj’s and some books (non nurse related) and going to hide out at a friend’s house for four days doing absolutely nothing.

We did a post-play cast party at Steak-n-Shake last night (for those w/o children) with some other friends/workers of the cast and crew…at midnight.  Kinda crazy I know, I’m getting to old for this.  But my peppermint shake was very tasty and it was great getting to relax and hang out with friends.  Then of course we had to hit Wal-Mart; if you go to PB you have to go to Wally-World ~ we have nothing else. :)

Things that went down while we were immersed in CAOH:

Albert Pujols left the Cardinals.  It was actually very humorous to see the reactions of all the ‘fans’ about this.  My take on the situation:  He’s getting older, who in their right mind would not lock in a ten year deal where they are making $25 mil MORE than they are now, have the guarantee to get paid regardless if he plays or not, and will more than likely be a DH getting paid that much.  Is the price crazy?  Yes.  Do I wish I could make that much a year doing something that I like with thousands of people cheering me on?  Yes.  I see it as a win for Pujols ~ he secured his future.  We’re still the Cardinals regardless of who is on the team…and we’ll be just as good/bad without him as we were with him.  Go CARDS!!!

I took two HESI exams (something like achievement test in grade school) and I passed them.  I have found that I will more than likely not be a first responder nurse; I have issues picking the ‘What I Will Do First’ option of the answers ~ that was a low point in my overall grading.  But other than that I will be a safe nurse, follow the rules, and have great patient care…according to the test.

Well…I’ve wasted enough time.  My dryer buzzer is telling me it’s time to get moving, my clock is telling me I’m going to be late for church, and my mind is mush and not sure what I’m typing anymore.  Hope everyone has a great week, I’m looking forward to mine ~ final and all!!

ERM

This coming Thursday is Thanksgiving.  We’re getting together with my mom’s family, at my house, so I need to get a scrubbing, because it’s in dire need of some freshening up. :)   Should be a good time of kickin’ back, relaxing, and eating way to much food.  But what else are Holiday’s for?

I’ve been doing a ’30 Days of Thankfulness’ on Facebook, each day putting what I’m thankful for.  I started off on a roll, but one the basics were gone (family, church, job, car), I hate to say this but it’s getting hard to think of things to put down.  Yes I’m thankful, but a majority of the stuff is lumped into categories and sometimes I miss the simple basic things.  I still have half a month to do…things could get creative. :)

This past week has been beyond crazy.  One day I was on cloud nine, feeling good about a lot of stuff, even received a random text that made me smile.  I should have known that the wind was about to be sucked out of my sails.  I ended the week rowing my little ol’ heart out…I believe I got caught in a riptide and I just kept going in circles.  One day it will all be worth it.  Hopefully as I continue on this journey some things will get weeded out and I will find some peace.  Maybe I’ll get weeded out and others will have peace. :)  Life is crazy, and it’s stuff like this that keeps one going…with ulcers. LOL.

Looking forward to the coming weeks.  Christmas At Our House starts in twelve days.  TWELVE DAYS!!  I must get busy learning my lines. :)  When CAOH ends, so does our semester, then I’m headed to STL for some R&R and a doctor appointment.  Ready for some time off.  One day at a time, one day at a time.

Later,

ERM.

So much stuff has happened over the past couple of weeks.  Sometimes I don’t know if I’m coming or going.  One thing I DO KNOW is that we only have four Monday classes left, and a final on our fifth Monday, for our first semester of RN nursing school ~ and that makes me a happy camper. :)  Looking back to August 17 and the knowledge I have gained since then, I’m amazed.  Some I’m not one-hundred percent comfortable with, if they turned me lose tomorrow I would be TOTALLY lost, and sometimes I still feel like I flounder around a bit…but each day is a learning process and I’m learning a little bit more as we go.

Now onto my title…what motivates me.  I want to be healthy, and with the MS it’s even more important that I take care of my body and exercise and try to eat right.  BUT I think my motivation came from wanting to be skinny and here lately I just don’t care. :)  I’ve been a terrible eater lately, and I’m only going to the gym about twice a week.  I still am motivated to go, but I think if my mentality goes back to the healthy standpoint instead of the desire to be skinny that it will be easier.  It’s very easy to decide that being skinny isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and I will just be fat…whereas if I want to be healthy for a lifelong goal/endeavor it will change my outlook on ‘having’ to give up all the good food that has become a comfort to me the past month as I trudge through the final part of semester one. :)

So here’s to being HEALTHY and not just skinny!! <clink, clink> :)

Need to run…have a care plan, an assessment, and a journal to write.  Oh the joys!

ERM

Is it wrong for me to anticipate Christmas so much?  Maybe.  Because possible it’s not really Christmas that I am anticipating but the fact that I will have three full weeks off school.  I will be able to sleep, eat, and rest without the worry of a book that has to be read or a skill that has to be learned.  Today we did naso-gastric tubes (NG) and feedings…I had the opportunity to feed through the NG tube with a syringe.  I got to go first…they said “well start at the bottom” (of our list of names on the wall)…I’m in the number ten slot for my clinical group.  My stomach fell a little and I felt like I was going to hurl my Oatmeal Squares I had for breakfast.  But once I was done…I was done.  I had all day to prepare for tomorrows lab, CATHETERS.  We watched some videos, they looked a little painful.  :)  I have two labs left.  I’m getting really excited for Christmas. :)

I made a B in my Geriatrics class, not the A I’m used to having…but I passed and this whole way of teaching and learning threw me for a loop the first part of the semester.  I’m happy (or at least accepting) of what I got.  So onward ho!  Carp Diem!  All those little cliches that can be stated that will get me through.  One day at a time!  One day…one day soon in the near future I will be finished.  It may go faster or way slower than I want…but one day.

Last week we had fall break.  I had three whole days that I did not have to get up and go to class.  I did homework in the mornings and went to work a little earlier.  It was nice.  I didn’t get everything done I had hoped (homework wise); but it was a good week.  I spent Friday at the cabin in Van Buren, playing on the water and relaxing.  We kayaked, went on boat rides, played in the woods…had a good day.

God’s Country:
I’m in our church’s annual dinner theater, Christmas at Our House this year.  With my schedule for school and everything else going on people as how I’m going to do it.  My answer at this point is that.  I’ll make it.  It will be fun…and it’s closer to Christmas and my break.

Christmas is coming…soon. :)

ERM

We completed our second week of school this past Thursday, with a not so good outcome.  Not a good experience, but one that I have definitely learned from and will do better going forward.

This whole process has been very eye opening and has taken some adjustments.  They all said ‘it’s going to be hard’, ‘prepare to live, eat, and drink it’, ‘you’ll have no life once you start the program’.  They knew what they were talking about, but I don’t think they took into account if you owned a home, were single, had to work, and had medical bills on top of your school bills to pay out of pocket on a part time income.  It’s all VERY stressful.  But fortunately for me, I’ve been blessed.  I received a scholarship that will cover the cost of my books, I was given a student loan (which I have to pay back eventually…but at least I will have some ‘cushion’ in the bank in case my ends don’t meet); I’ve had family and friends give me financial gifts that have helped tremendously, and as a big kicker one of my medical bills is being reduced.  God is good!!  He will take care of me, I just need to let him.

Th whole study, teaching, thought process of this program is totally different than any I have been in before.  It’s definitely not black/white and you have to think outside of the box on a lot of things.  I think the program itself is a teaching mechanism because nursing is not black/white; each patient you have will be different than the last.  Even though they may have the same illness they will take to different treatments and procedures differently ~ we have to be able to handle each situations as it is and adapt to the fact that even though it’s the same, it’s different.

I’ve designated Thursday as ‘cry night’ if need be.  I don’t have classes on Friday this semester, so Thursday night is one that I can relax just a little and it’s not cram time or I don’t have to worry about having something done for the next morning.  When my body relaxes apparently the only thing it can do is have water seepage from my tear ducts, and I cry.  The stress from the week hits and it’s like…’oh wow, I made it’.  Fourteen more weeks!!

Well, though it’s been great venting a little and sharing…it’s time for me to go work for a bit and then hit the books.  My first big test is Monday (one out of four for my class grade in Geriatrics).  One thing…life is never dull anymore.

Later…ERM.

Wow…I thought I was going to make it through the fall without having my ‘weather change’ sinus aggravation since I had a summer ‘cold’.  Not so lucky!  I woke up Sunday with a scratchy throat and some drainage, then Monday was the THE DAY.  Could not breath, sounded awful trying to talk, then my nose would turn on like  a faucet which would have me running for a Kleenex to try to catch the flow.  Lasted that way about an hour at work, then purchased some Sudafed 12 hr and some Afrin nose spray — and the angels were singing Hallelujah.  It didn’t completely get rid of all the symptoms but at least it opened up my nasal passages so I could breath a little better.  Today I went to the chiropractor for an adjustment and had him use his little machine on my face/sinus areas trying to get some relief.  Hopefully this won’t hang around as long as what it has for others — up to two weeks and counting.  I’m on day two and am ready to be done with it.

School is going good so far.  I do pretty much nothing besides homework ALL the live-long-day; but it’s paying off so far.  I have high A’s in both my classes.  Just three more months to go!!  Anatomy and Physiology is difficult, there is SOOO much information crammed into such little things (i.e. cells); it’s mind boggling.  But if I preserver I’ll do good.  My teacher took a dislike to me and my lab partner within the second week of school; but we’re playing nice and trying to stay out of trouble.  I know that people say ‘I didn’t do anything’…in this instance we really didn’t do anything.  Our teacher didn’t like our facial expressions, or the fact that we laughed in class.  So mum’s the word for now…all bookworm and no fun.  Bleh!

I cannot believe that September is already half gone…before you know it Christmas will be here and then we’ll be ringing in a new year.  So much has happened this past year in my life and we’re only nine months into it…hopefully the other four will be sedate and uneventful — except my house could sell and I wouldn’t mind that at all.  I speak that in Jesus Name!!

I did deliveries for work the other day, I went to one of the skilled nursing facilities in town and was waiting for someone to come check the drugs in that I was dropping off.  One of the residents came up to me in his wheelchair and was saying about of stuff, I nodded, smiled, and was like ‘yeah’.  He then proceeded down the hall way to one of the cleaning carts, threw back the side cover, and started unloading stuff off the cart and into his lap.  Then he made a mad dash back down the hallway to me, said  few more words that I could not understand and kept trucking toward his room.  I of course am laughing, because since I wear scrubs for work he probably thought I worked there at the home and I have no IDEA what I gave him permission for…but apparently he felt that he could clean the cart off.  I just let him go!! :)

There has been a lot going  on around here, I feel like I stay busy 24/7 yet don’t get much done.  But…that’s how life goes sometimes.  Right now I’m looking for my bootstraps so I can pull myself up by em’.

Exciting news though…my friends will soon be having their baby.  Nick and Jennifer Spencer can have their bundle of joy anytime after yesterday.  I’m excited!!  Jennifer is even more excited, she just wants to be able to breath again.

Well, I must be going…A & P is calling my name, I have a lot of stuff to try and get done before class tonight and I’ve already wasted three hours of my morning by balancing my checkbook, changing all the burned out light blubs in my house, and writing this blog.  Must get busy!!

Life is good…until next time…ERM.

Today is June 12, it’s been a crazy Spring so far and so much stuff has been going on I don’t know where to start with news.  I’ve been putting off posting anything recent because I didn’t know where I was going to go with what’s in my head, heart, life…how to put it into words.  If I was going to be flippant, sarcastic, on the line of right/wrong…some of you may be wondering what in the world is going on and where I’m going with this; that’s what I’m trying to figure out.  My personality would take me to being sarcastic and flippant; and some of you would see it as being borderline.  But I know and God knows, and I guess that all that matters…the rest of you (all two of you that read it) will just take it with a grain of salt.

I’ll tell happy news.  Today we did a photo shoot with the family, I’ll post a link later with the family photos…I think (and hope) they turned out well.  Well see, I wore my hair down and it ended up getting a little hot and humid so I could end up being like Bozo the Clown in some of them…but I think it went well.

Last weekend I went to Columbia, MO, to help a friend do some work on his house.  While speaking on the phone back in February we were comparing calendars and he said that they were doing an Amish Barn Raising the first weekend of June.  I was like, cool!!  I had the weekend off and I thought it would be cool to go up and do a community thing and help build a house/barn for someone.  Well, the barn that was being raised was actually his own house.  After finding out it was a weekend where friends from all over were coming in to help him get some jobs done around the house, I decided to go ahead and go and pitch in.  It was awesome!!  I had a great time.  I got to meet his family (dad/brothers) and several friends from Chicago (who were dieing in the MO heat…they don’t know how we stand it here).  We spent the weekend working around his house and chilling out at night around a ‘hot dog’ fire (we’re not allowed to have a fire in the city unless it was for food purposes…I didn’t eat one hot dog all weekend).  Here’s pics from my weekend venture:  Habitat Weekend in Columbia.  I also got to meet up with an old college friend…we did dinner and ice cream on Saturday night.  It was a great weekend!!  I was happy to get away.

My nieces and nephew have decided that they want a little cousin; so they feel it’s time for me to get married and have a baby.  I told them that I would get right on that.  I just need to shave about ten years off my age and lose about 500 lbs…then I would fit into the mold that most of the guys around here are going for and I could possibly get married and supply the wanted cousin.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid that they will be well grown before any cousin, if any cousin, comes into the picture.

Now for other news…I woke up on March 20 with a couple of fingers numb on my hand…by the next day my whole hand/arm was numb.  Two weeks later when I would bend my head forward I would get shock sensations that would run down my back and into my legs.  I went to the doctor and had test ran, and they said that it was a bulging disc that was pushing into my spinal cord and I would need surgery and that my brain scan came back good (Dr. Zupres read the results).  I went to a spine specialist at Barnes Hospital, and he wondered why I came to see him, because my spine was that of a healthy 33 year old, so bulging disc.  I had an appointment with Dr. Singer at MO Baptist two weeks following the appointment with Dr. Leuthardt @ Barnes.  When I arrived at Singer’s office, he was not expecting to find anything on the scans I had in hand because all the information he received said I had clean scans…yadda, yadda.  So he does the initial examination, goes to view the scans I brought with me, and calls me into his office for a consultation.  He gave me the news I did not want to hear, that I had half-way accepted but I wanted to SCREAM at the unfairness of it all…my brother had it, wasn’t that enough.  What twisted sense of rightness makes it o.k. to have two family members with MS.  I was told on March 27, 2010, that I had MS.  I would be started on steroid infusion treatment the next week to try and fix the inflammation on my spine to try to get some of the numbness out of my arm, and then I would go on Rebif (injections 3x’s a week…for life).  As long as I stayed on the meds the dr was pretty positive that I would do well…he’s not the one living with a numb arm and tingles either.  When you touch anything or move you get this feeling in your arm that reminds you that something is wrong with you…that you’re not ‘right’ anymore, that there’s this silent thing going on in your body that you can do nothing about.  Then to reference the info above about my nieces and nephew wanting a cousin…who knows if that will ever happen.  Most of the time when you get married, you promise ‘in sickness and health’ — just ‘IN CASE’ something comes up…normally you don’t go in knowing that you’ll have the ‘in sickness’ without knowing what that will in-tale.

When I returned to the initial doctor for a follow up appointment and told him the guy at Barnes wanted to know why I was there, because my spine was normal…he was shocked!!  Because it says right in his notes that I had a bulging disc.  Apparently he didn’t personally look at my scans, because my respiratory therapist friend looked at them, and questioned where the bulging disc was because she did not see one on them.   I told him I was diagnosed with MS, and he then told me that it probably wasn’t the carpal tunnel that was causing my hand to be numb, and I could stop wearing the braces he ordered me to to get…do you think!!  You mean my ‘slight chance of the START of carpal tunnel that you said I could possible have isn’t what was making my hand numb?  And I paid good money for this opinion. :)

So…yeah, my head is full of stuff.  I’m trying to stay positive.  I know that God knows where I am, and what I’m going through, the questions that I have.  Some are treating me like I have the plague or something…since they’ve found out the lines of communication have become null and void.  It’s not like it’s contagious or anything!  I’m taking it one day, one step at a time.  I know that God can take care of it, we have a lady in our church that was healed of MS who lives a normal life with a family.  It’s whether or not He will take of it here, or on the other side.  He is good and faithful, and regardless I will praise Him…and I know that regardless…How He Loves Us…I am His portion and He is my prize!!!

ERM

I got new glasses!!!  I took the plunge a couple of weeks ago (after shopping around then having my sister-in-law shop w/ me too…didn’t want to make a mistake) and purchased some new specs.  They are totally different than anything I’ve ever worn before, but I like them a lot and I’m glad that I did a drastic change.

Me in my new specs (the pic was taken with my cell phone so it’s a little grainy):

Hope everyone is doing well.  We’re hearing reports of more rain…but we’re on track to move back into our permanent location this weekend.  w00t!!  Very excited!