It’s been awhile since I have placed fingers to keyboard, and worked through the thoughts that have been swirling around in my head. Not since my Grandma Foster passed away the end of August. I use blogging as a way to work through stuff, but sometimes even that has to be put on hold as you “walk through the fog and funk”.
In July I made a conscious decision to walk away from a situation in my life that was not conducive to my mental health and happiness. Not to say that I was able to have a clean break, sometimes things in our life/past can have us so tangled that it takes some unwinding to get it all loosed <kinda like the pesky Christmas lights every year…it takes patience and work to get them untangled and made useful>. To get my life useful, I knew I needed to untangle myself from this situation. It was a process.
On the tail end of making this break and working through not having what one considered a “safety net”, my Grandmother passed away. She was elderly, but we weren’t really expecting it. We believe it was a type of cancer, we did not have test ran because the outcome would not have been different — to save her pain and discomfort we opted against the biopsy. Her death came on the heels of my Uncle having his kidney removed in June due to cancer, and brought back all the feels from when my aunt passed away in January 2017 from cancer. SO MUCH TO PROCESS! A friend of mine lost his father and a few months later made a comment of working through the fog — mentally, emotionally, and physically. It made me realize that there is a fog, we don’t always acknowledge it or process it, but there is a fog.
The fog of loss. It doesn’t have to be just loss of a loved one, it can be any type of loss. An emotional support, a friend that not longer has time for you, a death of a loved one, job loss, and loss of good health. It can all weigh heavily on your mind and cause a fog. You can get lost in thought, or thoughts can cause you to lose your breath and pause in your daily routine as they take over. You just have to keep walking, get through the fog and funk.
Depression is a real thing. As many news articles are showing it can and does affect anyone. Those who you think are the strongest, can fall to it and lose the battle with it. My family has a history of chemical imbalances, is it something to be shameful of or try to hide. NO!! It is no different than having high blood pressure or diabetes, it is a medical condition and can be treated. Are there some people that it’s a spiritual battle, yes — you can have oppression and be under a spiritual battle. But never allow anyone to play off how you are feeling, and what you are dealing with. By shoving it under the rug, and not facing it…that is when the battles are lost and it becomes to much to bear. We must never ignore it, or not process it.
It may look like staying home instead of going out, but don’t make it a habit. You need interaction with people, they will be the lamplights along the path that make the circles of light to guide us along the way. It may look like eating the box of twinkies; but don’t make it a habit, and make sure to eventually start moving because the twinkies will catch up to you. It may look like taking a trip and exploring a different location, do it with care and focus on the world around you as you also process the world inside of you.
Life throws curveballs. We don’t always understand it. I recently was at a retreat where they spoke about God’s process. We say we have faith, but we have faith in what we KNOW that God can do, but we sometimes fail to have FAITH in what God hasn’t done — healing us or a loved one. God wants to show us something new, are we really willing to go through the process to obtain the new thing? When someone is dealing with a chronic illness, and ministers preach about not having your healing because you don’t have enough faith…yet you have faith and yet you wake up still sick. It’s a NEVER ENDING cycle of trying to stay positive and keep your faith. We must “keep walking through the fog and funk”.
The past few months have been a process. There have been moments of fog, that had me in a funk that had me feeling very ‘blue’. Maybe not as blue as Madam Blueberry (Veggie Tales); but in a state of figuring out how to keep moving. As I head into winter, that is known for it’s blah-ness, and higher levels of bleh moments, it is with a conscious thought to keep moving. Keep exploring, keep interacting, keep processing. If we stop in the fog, and funk, that’s when we lose. We may have moments of going in-out of fog, like driving in the mountains early in the morning. Keep going.
In Ephesians 6:10-17, it speaks of putting on the armor of God that we may be able to stand. When we do all to stand and it fails, we can continue to stand firm if we focus on Him daily. He will assist us in walking through the fog and the funk. My word for this year was ‘intentional’, and living my life with purpose…must remember that it is in “all” aspects, even if there is fog involved.