Today as I was leaving the gym I realized that I am truly happy where I am in my life at this time. I met a friend for coffee this morning then went to the gym…I was able to relax and enjoy life. Does this mean that I wasn’t happy prior, no. But with decisions I have personally made in my life, I haven’t always been content or happy.
Intentionally, as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “to do by intention or design”. “deliberately; on purpose”. Most of the time people use this when something negative has occurred, and they are apologizing for the situation. “I didn’t intentionally mean to do that” — it wasn’t on purpose that I hurt you. Sometimes they don’t ‘mean’ to hurt the other person, but they tend to continue because of their attitude or actions.
I want to live my life intentionally. With a purpose. To deliberately decide every morning that I will do my best that day to be “the best me” possible. Including, and definitely not limited to, being the person God desires me to be. Reading my bible, praying, fasting. These are basic steps to having a relationship with God, and yet I have failed to do basic things. Blaming time, and being busy, and just being a bum in this aspect of my life. If I approached other aspects of my life, the way I do my relationship with God, I would be an unemployed homeless person. <just think about it>
In August 2018 I started thinking about my health and wellness. I had gained weight my last year of nursing school, then compounded it while working nights. I would randomly walk and do an exercise video or two, but I didn’t actually INTENTIONALLY make changes in my life that would guarantee that I would succeed and be a healthier me. August I signed on with a trainer, Jeremy, who made me consider all aspects of my life and what I was really doing with my “new me” thought process. I knew then that this was something that I wanted for myself. I have MS (multiple sclerosis) and it has a tendency to make muscle atrophy, and weakness. If I can deliberately fight this process, or stave it off, then this is something that I needed to embrace and make a part of my life.
Relationships are another aspect that should be intentional. One should purposefully focus on. A friend of mine texted me the other day after we had corresponded for a few minutes, “I want you to know you’re an amazing friend”. It made me pause, am I really a good friend? Sometimes I can short with people, especially if I don’t feel like they have applied themselves as they should — or if they aren’t doing what they should be doing and then complain with the outcome. My mother says that I get this from my father; so much so that she bought me a C.S.I. ‘can’t stand idiots’ shirt. <smile> I have had some people perform the negative connotation of this and intentionally, deliberately, hurt me. I lost my best friend due to decisions that she made that affected our relationship beyond repair, trust was broken and it took me awhile to come back from damage that was done. I want to live life intentionally in my relationships with people — a goal for 2019.
This past Sunday, Bro. Bland, was ministering at church on being willing to ‘CRY OUT’. Many times we become stagnant and lose our purpose (intentional life). He was using the history of the children of Israel, when they kept failing but would ‘cry out to God’ and God would come in and save them and prosper them again. In Judges 10:6, it reads “and the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the Lord…”. After being in slavery, in Judges 10:10, it reads “and the children of Israel cried unto the Lord…”. At first God answers, “Did not I deliver you from the Egyptians, and from the Amorites, from the children of Ammon, and from the Philistines? The Zidonians also, and the Amalekites, and the Maonites, did oppress you; and ye cried to me, and I delivered you out of their hand”. God states that he will do it no more and that they should go seek help from the gods they had chosen over Him. But when Israel put away the strange gods and served Him…guess what, He came through for them yet again.
I looked at my friend during the reading of this, and was like “It’s good to know that God is willing to forgive one when they continue to make the same mistakes”. I have been known to make mistakes <shocker I know – LOL>, and sometimes it’s the same one. It’s intentional sometimes, because I have willingly walked into situations that I know are not good and will not end well. But one point that was made was that God’s mercy is renewed daily; one of my favorite verses is found in Lamentations 3:22-23, “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassion’s fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness”. It is God’s purpose, intention, to be there for us DAILY with compassion. He will guarantee that though we make mistakes, and turn away, if we are willing to INTENTIONALLY cry out to Him and deliberately focus our purpose on Him and a relationship with Him…His faithfulness and compassion’s fail not.
If you have hung with me through the muddled mess above, just know that in 2019, my goal is to live life intentionally. In all aspects. I’ve joined a Bible reading accountability group, I’m going to the gym and monitoring my food and I’m making it a point to let people know that I love them (I’m not an affectionate person who verbalizes such things, and I have a very ‘wide’ personal space zone <LOL>). I will be willing to CRY OUT without fear, to the ONE that I know without a doubt loves me and all my faults, insecurities, and failures…and yet He accepts me. At this end of this year…I want to be able to look back and feel confident that I was fulfilling my purpose in this life. As a nurse, as a friend, and as a child of God.