Skirt Girl: Fish bowl to Ocean

Hello world…the few that read this lowly blog where I come to share thoughts and experiences that happen as I go through ‘life’. It’s January 31, 2018, part of me is amazed that we are sitting on the crux of another new year. As previously stated in my last blog, a lot of things have changed this year. But not only this year has “life” happened, but what is life without life happening…nothing.

One of life’s changes this year was my move to St Louis. This has been a wish of mine for awhile, I lived here back in 1996-2000, when I attended Gateway College of Evangelism (now Urshan College). I went home to take a year off after graduation, and never left. I worked at an internet company for seven years and after being let go during a restructuring process, I went to work for a pharmacy. I worked in durable medical equipment, billing, and as a pharmacy tech until I graduated from nursing school in 2013 — after FINALLY deciding what I wanted to be when I grew up. I worked at my home county hospital from graduation until my move this past year.

My old ‘home’ and where I started my career was a very basic hospital, where we did everything on the medical floor. We mixed our own medications, we had cardiac drips, insulin drips, and breathing treatments all in one night…monitored and performed by the nursing staff. We didn’t have access to everything (ortho, surgery, xray, pharmacy, or lab); most of the time we had to wait 30 minutes for the ‘on call’ person to arrive to get things going. But it taught me how to roll, how to get things done and how to work with a majority of personalities and different doctors (we had weekend physician’s and travel doctors from throughout the states that would come and try to function in a small county hospital). LOL.

The move to St Louis has me learning all over again how to function with new physicians, what they like and don’t like. It was a big switch initially because at my current hospital nurses do a lot of stuff, we have the patient packaged and ready to go for the doctors when they arrive to the room. When speaking to my neurologist (who also works at the hospital, after moving from Barnes) stated that he was surprised at the amount of responsibility on the nurses too. Going from being almost forbidden to enter orders (because the doctor was to do that) to basically learning to enter all the orders…an adjustment — a bigger fish bowl than I was accustomed to.

Not only is the whole system new, feelings of inadequacy and that I’m not on par of being a good nurse is consistently something I am faced with. When trying to explain to a physician concerning a patient and they wave their hand as in “get on with it, I don’t have time for this”, then state that they do not know anything about the patient…bleh. To be told that people that you work with feel that you are not able to handle the work load and that you get overwhelmed easily, you just want to go home and work with your ‘people’…the ones you ‘grew up’ with and you knew had your back regardless. I went from a table top fish bowl to swimming in the ocean…and there are sharks here.

Skirts. I have always worn skirts, it’s part of who I am. I was raised in an apostolic church where part of the standard is wearing skirts — just as burkas are dress for others. I don’t think about it when I get dressed, so when I walk into a room to care for someone and they exclaim “you’re in a skirt, I’ve never seen that”…it’s kinda weird. It’s an anomaly. Most end up stating that they think it’s “cool”, others ask if I get cold. LOL!! Most of the time I barely have time to sit down to consider getting cold.

As I face this new year, yesterday at church the minister spoke about “baggage claim” and how we often carry around old baggage that will hinder us in our goals in life and ministry. I know that I have “baggage” from past relationships and things that have happened throughout my life that can weigh a person down. Being called ‘buffalo butt’ and ‘thunder thighs’, knowing that you are heavier than all your friends and unable to ‘share clothes’ with your friends through the teenage years. Always being on the heavy side regardless of what you eat or how much you exercise. Not being the one that is picked from your friends, always being the third wheel — the one without a date. Having your childhood best friend break your trust in a way that enforces thoughts that you have had. Giving your all to someone, to be rejected. Baggage. My goal this year to to get rid of some baggage. The move to St Louis this past February has helped start this process, getting new perspective. Though I may be swimming with sharks now, and in a bigger body of water from my comfortable fish bowl…this year is looking promising.

Always remember…one is worth something to someone, if it’s the patient that has no one, or the friend that needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on. Forget what the voices in your head say, or the broken record that plays over and over the ghost of the past…it’s a new year. Be everything that you can be…live, love laugh…explore…be the best you can be.

ERM



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