2018 April :: Life and Times of Leish

Archive for April 2018

Investments…being invested

We all make investments.  Sometimes we don’t realize the type of investment we are making because we do it without thinking; other times we are fully aware of the investment and we hope for a good return.  People invest financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  We do this as individuals to secure our future, to make friendships and connections that will sustain us through our life.  Investing in individuals can build a foundation for us to stand on throughout life to assist us in becoming what we are to be.

Parents invest in their children without knowing what the end result will be.  They feed us, cloth us, and provide us with education and opportunities that will shape and guide us into our future.  They discipline us when we stray in hopes that we will take what is instilled in us to become more than they were and all that we can be.  There are some parents that do not invest in their children, they just procreate without thought of what the children will be or even caring what they will become…the community I grew up in some continue having children because it gets them a bigger monthly check and it is the only life they know.  A never ending cycle of abuse of a system that was started as an ‘investment’ in individuals (welfare) to assist them in getting back on their feet, but that became a crutch that people relied on to live their daily life relying on the government to supply them instead of investing in themselves and their own futures.

Individuals invest in others in hope of securing a future with someone that will love them and support them through life.  They give one hundred percent of themselves, to only find out that the investment was a bust.  There was no return on it, and they are left holding nothing.  No support system, no returned love, lost friendships and a foundation that has crumbled.  I personally have invested in someone that ended up depleting my storehouse of reserves.  You wonder if it would be considered “insider trading” if you publicly warn others of the poor investment <LOL>; but you realize that there are others that are already investing in the same program/person…some of them are back for round two (they left and invested in something/someone else…but have came back for seconds).  You want to give a public safety announcement to warn individuals of guarding against investments, so know their worth and know what to invest in and what to stay away from.

Young people are investments.  This is inside and outside of the church walls.  Teachers invest in them daily at school, providing them with education and opportunities to make the most of themselves.  Inside the church youth pastors and ministers guide them, and provide them with tools that will make a solid foundation.  They attend conferences and conventions and receive “powerhouse moments” with God that alters their life.  They come home changed, they stand in front of the congregation and make statements about “not backing down”, being “changed”, “taking stands”…yet as a year turns over and life happens the investment into their life is diminished and they lose sight of the end result.  They stop investing so much time and effort into the God aspect of their lives and they start focusing on the physical aspect (a dangerous step).  It makes me saddened to see young people that have had a powerful encounter with God, move away from it and allow little things (relationships) to move into its place.  Why?  Because I myself allowed “little things” into my life that altered it.  We must guard our investments and make sure that we are putting them into things that matter and that will secure our eternal goal…not just the here and now.

God has invested in each and everyone of us.  He secured our futures at the cross when he stated “It is finished”.  We have the opportunity to live eternally with Him.  But we must be ‘vested’ in the process.  Being vested in something, one becomes biased in it.  They have an interest in it that is personal.  God personally is biased toward each and everyone of us.  He loved us before He knew us.  He shaped us in the womb, forming us.  In Psalm 139:13, it states “For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb”.  And in Jeremiah 1:5 it states, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you;…”.  God has a vested investment in each of us, who are we not to return the investment back to Him?  I have failed at this.

Over the past month I have been reevaluating my investments.  I know that I have some that are a bust.  I placed time, effort, and emotions into investments that did not give a return.  I was left bankrupt — emotionally and mentally.  I failed to invest daily in my relationship with God who was fully vested in me as an individual, I took that for granted.  Some investments can leave us feeling like we are not worth anything, that we are lacking and that we are failures.  But we must know our own worth, know when to walk away from the poor investment and become what God intended us to be.  If we focus on investing in the One that is totally vested in us the return will always be good.  We will have high returns, good dividends, and the retirement package cannot be beat (eternity with our Creator).

Investments into self and others is important, we must be willing to give of ourselves and to be willing to give of ourselves.  Is it hard?  Yes.  Once you have a poor investment you want to create walls and stop giving because you are afraid that all returns will be bad.  But when we invest wisely, and stay the course…then we have positive returns and the end result will be worth it.

Looking forward in seeing the results of investments that are being made in this stage of my life, and the benefits that are to come.


Milestones In Life

Today marked two milestones in my life; one was the two month anniversary of my new job (my first day was February 19) and the other was my birthday.  Just minor things…that can be make one stop and reevaluate where time has gone, what has been accomplished, and where one is going from here.  The reflection can be good with positive outcomes, or can be bad with negative reactions (ex: texting someone from your past and calling them out on life) Oh vey! <face palm>  Just because one reaches a milestone does not give one free reign to go helte-skelter into situations.

But that is nothing here-nor-there.  Some things I’ve realized over the past two months.  St Louis drivers stop for NO REASON on the highway.  You are in stop-go-traffic, or just stopped traffic, thinking the worst situations and expecting to see a major pile up on the freeway…there is nothing, anywhere.  It is individuals trying to get on/off the highway and they have traffic blocked, they cannot seem to understand that you just drive.  Push the pedal on the right, and make the wheels go round and round.  At home we of course had to worry about getting behind a tractor and not being able to pass…but eventually when the tractor reaches a drive way big enough to pull over, they check the traffic and wave the cars around.  They keep things going.

Medicine is medicine.  But sometimes it doesn’t feel the same.  That may seem weird, but when you work in a small county hospital, where the nurse does EVERYTHING (A-Z), when ancillary services (lab, radiology, respiratory) are ‘on-call’ and it takes about thirty minutes for them to arrive,  and when you get everything within a thirty miles radius and deal with whatever walks in the door (regardless).  Then  you move to a facility that focuses on cardiac, that doesn’t have a trauma room, that has ancillary services in house 24/7, has a case manager on staff in the ER to facilitate the process on admission <shocked Home Alone face>, and you have other facilities within two minutes that take all “stuff” that would liven up your day — you have to adjust.  I love my new job, the opportunities it is providing me (learning new software in a ‘non-crazy’ setting; new procedures; school opportunities), and the people I work for are all great.  But an adjustment…daily milestones.

My birthday milestone was good.  I spent it as I did last year, alone — celebrating the step into the new year of my life quietly.  Last year I went exploring in the woods and ate at Grandin Cafe; today I slept (due to working night shift), cleaned house, explored The Hill and took myself to the Circus.  The Hill is one of my favorite neighborhoods in St Louis.  I started by stopping by MO Baking Co (MBC) to grab some goodies for the weekend, then went to Favazza’s at the recommendation of the staff at MBC.  Then I headed out to Circus Flora for a night of figuring out the story of the Missing Bellhop.  Easter weekend I watched the movie, The Greatest Showman, there weren’t bearded women, giants, or midgets involved; there was only one ring instead of three; and though we did have a live band and two songs…no full on dance routines with songs to tell “feelings” were involved in the show I saw tonight. <smile>  Both, the Greatest Showman and Circus Flora, were good in their own right.

Funny story from this morning.  I got off work early and was in bed around 5:00 am instead of 8:00, and apparently passed out.  I woke up at 6:59 AM and jumped out of bed asking myself why I slept so long and overslept — the circus started at 7:00 pm.  I starting looking for clothes that I could throw on so I could make it to my plans.  I was upset that I hadn’t made it to the bakery, and I had wasted my day sleeping.  LOL.  Joke was on me…I finally realized that it was the morning (AM) and not night time (PM).  I calmly crawled back into bed to wait to kick-start my day.  <night shift woes>

April 19 has seen many milestones…Revolutionary War, Boston Marathon, First Woman running Boston Marathon, Branch Davidian (Waco, TX), and the Olkahoma City Bombing.  All of these events marked a significant change or stage in development of our world/communities.  Just as these milestones shaped and formed change; I want to allow my personal milestones to continue to change and development me into a better person.

On my journey to be a better person, to be shaped and changed into what God wants me to be…I will continue exploring my new world, meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, and just being free to move and be.  I have enjoyed the past two months…and there is so much more to do, see, and become.  I still have my moments of going helter-skelter into situations, having feelings of not accomplishing everything that should be <no kids or husband on the horizon>, and wondering where I will be when I reach my next milestone.  But I have learned from my past, from the milestones, and I look forward to where and what I will be.