2017 July :: Life and Times of Leish

Archive for July 2017

Fighting Fat…Through the Mentality and Reality of Life

I’m overweight, I know this.  Magazines, billboards, tv commercials, and my own psych reminds me on a daily basis.  Walking up a flight of stairs, bending over to tie my shoes, or performing certain task at work reminds me that I am not in the best shape possible.  Following is bare truth…and coming to terms with being the best me possible.

This is something that I have dealt with since being a child.  I weighed 145 pounds in fifth grade, I was wearing a women’s size 12.  The miniskirt was purchased, it was large enough to fit around the middle, yet still long enough to be considered “modest”.  In other words I was as round as I was tall.  Fortunately for me, I ended up growing taller through Junior High and into my freshman year of high school, I stretched the 145 lbs out onto a frame of 5’10”.  I was still wearing size 12, just taller.  Being the fat kid at school, and among your friends — never being able to “barrow” your friends clothes — messes up the image you have of yourself.  Being called “buffalo butt” and “thunder thighs” skews the image that one holds of themselves, regardless of how much they stretch out the weight their body is carrying.

As I got older I knew that this is something that I would deal with.  My family genetics are not the most promising.  A bonus on my part is that I got the height that all the men in the family share, then the downfall is that as a female I also inherited the “hips” that the women share.  We inherit certain traits, body builds, and mentality of food from our families.  My family loves food.  My family can cook!!  Therefore, I grew up loving food, good food, and enjoying it until my heart was content.  I found comfort in food.  Good food took me back to family, comfort, and life.  So during stressful situations, times in my life that things were not 100%, food was my crutch.

With food being a crutch, I used it faithfully during life.  I did well at keeping my weight within check through my first round of college, I stayed in the mid 100’s.  Not to say that I was always happy with where I was, a person always wants to be thinner.  The magazine pictures tell us that that is the “in” thing.  Must fit in a size 0, the clothes are not as cute when you pass the size 10 mark.

Not only magazines, but reality is that relationships also play a big part in how we view ourselves.  When we are rejected by someone that we are interested in, or if we are seeing someone and they leave us for someone else or you find out that they cheated on you with someone else…there is always the “what if I was different” factor, or “is there something wrong with me”.  Then you go into a frenzy of changing “self”.  By a beauty makeover or fad diet.

I stayed comfortable until nursing school, then night shift.  My body turned to food for comfort, to stay awake, and ding-dongs became my friend.  My schedule was so skewed that I became a hermit.  No one was awake when I was, no one was asleep when I was.  My ‘human’ friends all got married and had kids by the time I walked out of the tomb of nursing school, and no one wanted to party at 2:00 am on my nights off, which is when I was awake as a night shift worker.  I exercised some, but not like I should.

All of this is that in reality it’s all mentality.  We have to decide in our minds that this is something that you want to do for yourself, for your family, for God.  God?  Yes, God.  Throughout the Bible there is scripture stating that we are the Temple of God.  He fashioned us in our mother’s wombs.

I Corinthians 6:19-20, “we are His Temple and we are to glorify God in our bodies”.  This means we cannot just sit around and gorge ourselves on junk food, we are to glorify God in our body.

I Corinthians 10:31, states that “we are to do all to the glory, weather that be eating, drinking, or whatever”.

Psalms 139:13-18, states that “He knitted us together, and we are fearfully and wonderfully made”.  He created me, fashioned me together and I am fearfully and wonderfully made; but I also have to take care of this package that He created for me to live in.

I Timothy 4:8 states that “physical training is of some value”.   Do I like to exercise, sometimes because it makes me feel better.  Lately, no, because I think I’m going to go into cardiac arrest and fall out in the floor.  Then my friends at the EMS shed and workmates would be seeing more of me than I would care for them to see.  But if I continue taking baby steps, I will eventually obtain the status of enjoyment again.

This journey over the past year has opened my eyes to the reality of changing my mentality where weight comes into play in my life.  We are wonderfully made, some of us are just made a little different. Some will have bones showing without trying and some will have a little more cushion around the middle.  But we must remember that we are a temple, and to keep the temple to the best of our ability, we have to be healthy.  To be healthy, that may mean that I have to skip the ice cream more often.  I need to focus on eating to fuel my body and not to be eating for stress and turning to food as a way out.  Is it hard to re-work my mentality?  Yes. Do I still eat food.  YES!  As I said I grew up in a family that enjoys food, and I will eat food until I am content.  But I will also be mindful that in reality of life, I need to be the best me that I can be.  To be that, I will give up some of the junk food that I consumed more often than not.

Fighting Fat is a daily decision for me.  It takes a mentality that I will be the best I can be, I will support and keep the temple that I was given.  In reality it is a struggle, but one I am willing to conquer so I can be the me that I was meant to be when He fearfully and wonderfully fashioned me.  Do I succeed every day?  No.  Do I still have body image issues that steam from childhood and life experiences when I wasn’t enough?  Yes.  I have restarted this journey on numerous occasions, but now I’m working on it being my life instead of a fad.  It’s one day at a time.

To beating fat, through mental clarity and reality of life that it is one day at a time, one step at a time, one decision at a time. <clink><clink>.


All In a Day’s Work

The online Cambridge Dictionary defines ‘all in a day’s work” as:  “If something difficult, unpleasant, or strange is all in a day’s work for someone, it is a usual part of their job:  When you’re a nurse, cleaning up vomit is all in a day’s work.”

As a nurse, as Cambridge states, cleaning up vomit is part of your job.  That’s just one of the minor details that we deal with.  There is the poop, the pee, vomit, abscess juices, and blood that you are continuously collecting samples of and taking to lab or setting aside for them to pick up.  They do not teach you in nursing school the level of “samples” that you will deal with as a nurse…”all in a days work”.  I personally do not do poop well.  When I say “not well”, I mean running from the room tears streaming from my eyes, dry heaving (sometimes throwing up).  I have learned to keep smell good stuff, otherwise known as methanol ointment, that I either stick up my nose or rub inside a surgical mask.  I may look like I have snot hanging from my nostrils…but it allows me to do my job, “all in a days work”.

On the other end of the spectrum we have other aspects that we deal with: life, death, raw emotion, feelings, hatred, obnoxiousness, drunkenness, drug overdoses, and family members that are in the medical field.  The family members in the “medical field” sometimes end up being in different aspects of the medical field; but since everyone wears scrubs now — from clinical staff and housekeeping to nursing and doctors — they say they “work in the medical field” and they all know what’s going on.  There is no aspect of nursing school that teaches you how to deal with the attitude and emotions from your patients and their families.  To walk into it and not respond as a human being.  Human response is to get an attitude too, to cry, to let your sarcasm leek out, or to be rude back.  But it’s “all in a day’s work”.  Unfortunately, sometimes I fail at not being human.

With learning to not deal like a human, we become Nursebots.  Kinda like a robot, but a nurse who has to go about their daily life separating their self from their self.  Yet be pleasant, cheerful, and keep going regardless of what is thrown at us.  We go from performing a code to walking in to deal with our pediatric patient making them smile and calming them down because many of them have the “white coat syndrome” and they freak out and cry the whole time you’re performing the exam.  To listen to the lungs of a screaming child, and detect if they sound abnormal, is like riding in the car with your windows down trying to talk on the phone while losing cell service.  Pert near impossible!   But “all in a day’s work”.

I was not adequately prepared for this life as a nurse when I was pinned that night four years ago.  They do not give emotions class, they play with your emotions and make you feel like you’re not good enough to be doing the task ahead of you.  They tell you to get it together or get out.  Nursing school was two of the hardest and stressful years of my life.  When I walked across the stage, as a student with MS, my face and arm were numb and had been for two months — the stress of the last semester of school was a training ground.  Did not realize how it would shape me as a nurse and train me on how to deal and move on.  It’s “all in a days work”.

I know that other jobs have their ups and downs, and everyone that deals with the public deal with the same situations as medical personnel…and to all of you I raise a glass.  Keep it up.  Do your best.  Keep on, keeping on…and just remember it’s “all in a days work”.