I have a weight problem…I always have and I probably always will. It is something that I have grown up with. The women in my family have hips, thighs, bellies, and butts. The men were lucky enough to be tall, lean, and thin. I look at food and gain weight.
In my first round of college I lost weight when I went to work at a shipping industry, I was finally down to less than what I was in high school. I hit a milestone. Unfortunately, as with every milestone in life you reach it then pass it…and sometimes lose it. I lost it. I gradually put weight on, making a pact with my brain “I’ll never weigh “x” amount”. I went through a period in 2009 that had me losing weight, and I got back down to almost what I weighed in college. Was not a fun experience on how to lose weight, but I lost it. I apparently searched hard for it, because I found it…plus some.
Then came nursing school. I did really well between year one and two, and exercised daily and attempted to eat right, and went into my last year (2012-2013) in better shape than I had been in for awhile. Unfortunately, for an emotional eater the stress of being told that you were not good enough to be there, and never knowing from one day to the next if you would be able to continue in this plan of life had my cortisol levels skyrocketing and I gained weight. Coming out of college and into the nursing field working nights for the first year and a-half, caused continued weight gain.
As life continued, I reached an all time high in my weight, and a place that I never thought I would be. Then I hit 35 plus and it didn’t seem to matter what I did from starving myself, to fad diets, exercise and eating right…nothing seemed to help. Hitting that “I’m never going to weigh this” weight. Dealing with the fact that I was at a point in my life that I never thought I would be weight wise, having plans that I thought were going to happen when I got out of nursing school be squashed, finding out that people that you thought were supposed to have your back actually stabbed you in it. As an emotionally eater, and a lover for carbs led me further down the weight gain path.
Life has a tendency to be brutal…some of it we bring upon ourselves, or a lot of it we bring on ourselves, it still causes us to be in places we never thought were possible. I am not a petite person, I know that I will never be a cute little pixie that can wear the clothes that they place on the mannequins to draw you into a store. I am tall, medium bone build, and have family genetics that go against the odds of that. But I can do what I can to be the healthiest I can be.
I will be forty soon…quicker than I ever thought possible. I don’t have much to show for my forty years on earth. I have a passport with stamps in it, two cats, a house, and student loan debt. Not much to bring to the table when making a deal with someone. Recently there’s been a theme in my life telling me that the person I have become needs to be worked on, changed, and “fixed”.
To help fix me, and to become the best “me” I can be, the healthiest possible I took steps to reach a goal by my 40th. I started in January, had some success, then fell back into old habits. I’m a carb addict. I like food. I eat ice cream and junk food like it is going out of style. I use it as a stress relief for a quick high. When at work and it’s going crazy, I grab carbs or a soda to help me through the “spot”. I have finally found a path that I have been on for two weeks that I think will help me – physically, mentally, and health wise.
Food has inflammatory results on people. It can cause highs and lows, and cause our energy to ebb or spike, then crash. What we put into our mouths plays a major part on how we feel. As a person that lives with MS, and the inflammatory process can cause problems with how I feel and operate on a daily basis. My weight can cause decline in my health faster than anything else. Movement is a major part of the battle with MS, must stay healthy.
I started a program through Arbonne two weeks ago and feel better now than I have in a long time. It’s a cleanse, to remove whey, sugar, wheat, gluten, dairy — all items that can cause allergic reactions in individuals. I have only lost 7.2 lbs in two weeks, but I have cleared up a skin condition that would not go away regardless of what I used on it. I feel better physically. I am eating clean, cooking at home, and focusing on myself. I am excited about where this road will lead me and how I will be when the 28 days are up. I have to make these changes in my life so I can continue being the best I can be to help those that need me. To be able to be strong for my patients and family.
The battle of the bulge will continue to be something that I face daily. It’s in my genetics. But I can do what I can, and the process that I am learning through this program will assist me in making choices that will facilitate a life change. A change that will assist in my battle of the bulge, and will hopefully make the bulge a little less. Not focus on food as an outlet to life, but as a fuel for life. One step at a time. One change at a time.