Archive for January 2016

The age old question…”Are you married yet?”

Am I married, no.  Do I want to be?  Possibly, maybe, maybe not.  On one level yes I would like to be married; I could come home from my crazy day at work and have someone to share my day with — the good, the bad, the funny, and the disgusting.  On another level no I rather enjoy getting to come home to quiet, talking to Pixel and Callie and enjoying time with just self.  After spending twelve hours in the hustle and bustle of life, it’s good to be able to not worry if I cook a meal or eat cereal.  When it’s laundry day, I love the fact that I can get ALL the laundry done with two loads, three at the most.

Recently I was at a funeral visitation for a lady from my church and ran into a cousin of my dad’s who the first words were not, “how’s it going” rather he asked “found you a man yet?”.  How degrading as I sat there in my nursing gear because I had just came from work.  I pleasantly smiled and said “why would I want one of those to take care of?”.  He then proceeded to tell me that I needed one to help out around the house and do jobs I couldn’t do.  Still smiling I kindly reminded him that I was raised by a carpenter and I could drive a nail and do basic “jobs” around my own house; and I could also change a tire and do maintenance on my car (even if I do just take it to the shop…I know how to dial a number).  And why would I want to have someone else around that I had to pick up after and deal with when I was very capable of taking care of myself.  It was not the most gratifying of conversations, though I did keep a smile on my face and I didn’t let slip all the thoughts that were going through my own mind (not kind ones to say the least).

God has blessed me beyond measure in my life.  I have a job that I LOVE, it has put me in a position to help friends and family.  I am able to support myself and travel.  I have have been privileged to get outside the boundaries of Ripley County, Missouri, and even the United States.

I have family that I get to hang out with and spend time with.  They support me in my endeavors.  Other than asking about grandchildren or making comments about wanting cousins…for the most part they are good with me and my singledom.

Do I get bored and want company or  noise on occasion, yes.  As stated before, it would be nice to have someone to share my day with and to just talk to.  Will that be my life?  Who knows.  But until it does become my life I will be happy in the life I have.  I will not ask you if you have made funeral plans yet or set up a living will because you’re aging.  I won’t ask when you will get your kids to be something in life and where you went wrong raising them.  I won’t even ask you how many “honey do” jobs you have completed in the last week versus the amount your spouse has done (since apparently that a reason to get married).  I will live my life to the best ability I can, be happy and content in the state that I am in, and keep a smile on my face when small minded people that feel that marriage is the only state to have in life ask me if I have found me a man yet.  There is so much more to life than that.

Until later…

ERM

Looking past the exterior…

Had an experience the other day that made me check myself and wonder how others perceive how I treat them.  I know I am not perfect…not by a long shot.  I have bad days, and sometimes I cannot hid my “feelings” or “thoughts” from my face when I’m dealing with people.  Whether that person be a colleague, friend, patient, total stranger, or acquaintance.  It is what it is.

The situation that caught me off guard is that I was talking to an individual that had several piercings and tattoos.  I made small talk and we discussed what the different tattoos meant.  Each one they had had a significant meaning to the person, and through the conversation they stated “I get them because they are the only thing I can take with me when I go”.  As we wrapped up our conversation before moving on they stated “you’re the first person to treat me as a person and not look at me like I have some type of disease”. <knife right through the heart>

No kudos to myself in this situation because I know there have been countless other situations that I have walked into and through that I did not always consider the person on the inside, past the exterior that they were showing the world…and possibly even hiding behind.  Part of me wanted to cry for the person that has went through life dealing with judgement because of how their arms and face looked, yes they did it to themselves…but there is a person behind the facade.  Just like what lies behind the doors of a house…the outside can be beautiful and well kept but walk through the door and there is definitely not a home to be found.  Yet a house with broken shutters, an un-kept yard, and one that has stuff strewn throughout the yard can be one of the most peaceful places you step foot into.  It’s not always about what is on the outside.  The other part of me wanted to reprimand myself for failing so many others I have come into contact with.

Will I be perfect in the future…reaching out and dealing with the person within.  Probably not.  Because one – I’m human, and two – some people have ID 10 T errors a lot and that makes them hard to deal with.  But my conscience was checked this day…to look past the exterior.  I don’t want to be perceived as as someone that is stuck up and doesn’t have time for you…regardless of what you look like, smell like, or your actions.

ERM