2015 February :: Life and Times of Leish

Archive for February 2015

Moments…they make us who we are.

Moments in time…they can define who we become, make us stronger, or totally annihilate us from existence.  Sometimes we have the choice of how it will affect us, other times we don’t.  Sometimes one moment can have all three affects — it can initially annihilate us from who we were, it makes us stronger, then defines us in our ‘future’ self.

Over the past couple of years I have had ‘moments’ in my life that has shaped me, moments that are making me stronger and making me into a new person.  Sometimes I dealt well with them, other times I didn’t do so well.  I have a tendency to just observe, accept, and store things into compartments in my ‘self’.  Sometimes they get dealt with, other times they just get ignored.  When a trigger episode happens and I am made to face the situation or ‘moment’ (whether it be broken trust, fear, self critique); how I am defined affects how I deal.  Sometimes I’m good, other times old feelings creep in and what I thought I had overcame has to be dealt with again.

One moment in time I allowed myself to grieve the death of a total stranger.  It was someones family member.  We did what we do as nurses and health professionals; comforted the family, obtained all the information, and went on taking care of the other patients.  That “moment” lasted 35 minutes, time stood still yet continued…then it was over.  But I still had other people that were depending on me; to make calls to facilitate a transfer, to do breathing treatments, to provide ice water and pillows. So I did what any nurse would do…I continued working, with a smile.  When I got home, I used self prescribed pet therapy; held my cat and allowed the morning to seep through me and accept what had happened.

As healthcare workers we are a jaded lot.  We can laugh at situations that would have others freaking out.  We find things cool that would make others want to hurl.  For instance the severed fingers…very neat.  When the finger is brought us on ice and you get to see the inside of a finger and all the makings (the bones, tendons).  Morbid, maybe…but neat non the less.  But though we deal with life in a hospital with a coping mechanism of humor and we talk of bodily functions like the weather; we still feel.  We still deal with the moments that define us, the patients that we remember because they touch a place that we think has been forever buried out of sight.  I love my job…and am so thankful I decided to make a career change at thirty-two.

But not only do we have ‘life’ moments that define us, there are also God moments.  Being baptized, receiving the Holy Ghost, clouds of glory that follow groups through town, all night prayer, and services when you can tangibly feel the presence of God on your skin because it is so thick in the building.  These moments also define us, make us stronger, and shape us into being people that can be used by God.  Do I fail Him?  Most assuredly, I’m human.  But He loves me.  This is something that I am learning, to accept the LOVE that He has for me – the failure – and allowing myself to love others the same.  I may not always like the person, but I can love them with God’s love.  He heals the wounds left by many of our life moments, and provides the strength to continue on.

Moments…they make us who we are.