Statistics. Dictionary.com defines it as “
I’m a statistic, I’m a single white female, no children, who owns a cat. That puts me into categories that the world then uses to define me. They define who and what I am by what category I fall into. Not always considering the back history of the “why” behind it all, and how that “why” affects and defines how we act and react to life around us.
Statistics is all around. My classes for the next eight weeks will deal with them. But mainly, what has prompted this blog is that I almost became a different statistic on Tuesday night driving home from St Louis. A statistic that no one wants to become, the Troop E number of vehicle accidents. I have insomnia, some due to the hours I work (night shift), some due to the side effects of MS, and some because I have been sick and napping through the day and random hours of being awake. I woke up at 3:00 am on Tuesday morning, had an appointment in STL at 1:00 pm. On the way home, I felt myself nodding off and decided to stop in Frederick town and nap at Wal-Mart (safe and well lit). After seeing a sign that said I had eight miles left to go, the next thing that registers is that I am no longer on the highway. I went off-roading in my new RAV4. The guard rail was on my right, vaguely remember a concrete object to the left. My brain said “break” my foot pressed harder…on the gas. I went through the median, then at the end of the guard rail, my car went back up onto the highway. It was by the GRACE of God that I did not flip my car, that I didn’t hit anything, that no other vehicles were involved. I have no idea how long I was driving down the median, or how I kept from hurting myself or my vehicle…except by the grace of God. His hand of protection was upon me. We all say the quick “go with me today on my travels”, “traveling mercies” when we head out for a road trip…He was with me on my travels; and I am beyond grateful for His mercies.
Though statistics define us, I am beyond relieved that I kept from becoming a Troop E (highway patrol) statistic on Tuesday. I’m working on finding the “me” behind all the mess and becoming the best nurse and person I can be. I’m not sure that the legacy I would leave at this point in my life would be one that people would remember. Sure, I’ve traveled to seven countries and extensively around the US, but will a stamped passport reach anyone? I have a nursing degree, that about did me in getting, but will hanging my diploma up be enough? What statistic bracket will satisfy me and make me complete? Becoming a wife, mother, or furthering my education?
Statistics bring together disparate elements, items that would normally not be compared. Yet, everyday we compare ourselves to others around us. We compare ourselves to ourselves, or the ‘self’ that we have created in our heads as to what we think we should be. When will enough be enough? When will we be content with where we are in life?
I was saved from becoming a statistic that may have been devastating to some and not even a blip on the radar for others. But though I was saved from being a Troop E statistic, I am statistic non-the-less. An element that is compared to others, by others, and with others. Am I the measuring stick, or what continues to be measured and coming up short. What statistic will we leave behind? When will we stop comparing elements that have no business being compared…the disparate elements of our lives?