2015 January :: Life and Times of Leish

Archive for January 2015

Resolutions – Firm Determination!

It’s the new year, everyone makes a resolution that they plan on keeping throughout the year.  Sometimes it last a week, other times it last a lifetime.  At work everyone signed up for a weight loss challenge.  I myself opted out of that challenge, one I was sick and did not feel like getting showered and ready to go out in public; and then I knew that if I cannot decide to do it on my own, why give away money to someone else when I can make changes to ‘self’ and a resolution to make this change a lifestyle instead of a six week challenge.

Not only do changes in diet and exercise matter, but I am also working on attitude and self.  Without being happy/content with self and where I am at this point in my life; minor changes such as eating correctly and exercise are harder to make and stick to.  Because if the whole is not ‘good’ then the minor changes don’t matter and the resolution to be different is discarded on the wayside.

Resolutions are defined as having determination.  I am determined to becoming the best me that I can be.  To be content where I am.  I graduate in May with my BSN, I have been on this journey since 2009.  I decided that I would go back to school and go into nursing.  I worked full time and did night classes and online classes; then I went to work part time and did school full time…two years of basically hell.  Being told that we were not good enough, that our best efforts were not measuring up to what we should be to be a nurse.  There was no nurturing and very few “good jobs”, every day that we went to class or clinical we did not know if we would be yelled at, given a golden star (not a good thing) for not having our calculator or fingernails that may have grown overnight and were now barely past the tip of our finger, or sent home for not having a piece of paper with us.  During this time I was also diagnosed with MS.  But I was determined to complete the course I had set before me, it was something that I could do.  The stress that I endured during this two year period of my life caused me to gain 20 pounds; adding to an already weight problem that I deal with (thanks to genetics).  But I was determined…and I made it!!  I graduated with an associates degree in May 2013 as an Registered Nurse.  I went to work and then started back to school in the fall to obtain my BSN, another resolution.

In May I will graduate with my BSN.  This road has been long and I am tired, but I LOVE my new job.  I love being a nurse.  I love being able to help people.  This year I want to be able to apply the same determination of my goal of being a nurse to the rest of my life.  I know that I have the ability, I know that the resolution is there…now just to apply it.

This year is the year of resolution…or determination…to be the best me.  To live to the best of my ability in Christ, with friends and family, and in my job.  Life throws curve balls, but with the right resolutions we can hit one out of the park and overcome the negative.

Resolution = happiness, contentment, positivity.



Statistics…everyone is one

Statistics.  Dictionary.com defines it as “the science that deals with the collection, classification, analysis, and interpretation of numerical facts or data, and that, by use of mathematical theories of probability, imposes order and regularity on aggregates of more or less disparate elements”.  Statistics bring items together that would normally never have a basis for comparison.  Which, if you think about it is everything and everyone.

I’m a statistic, I’m a single white female, no children, who owns a cat.  That puts me into categories that the world then uses to define me.  They define who and what I am by what category I fall into.  Not always considering the back history of the “why” behind it all, and how that “why” affects and defines how we act and react to life around us.

Statistics is all around.  My classes for the next eight weeks will deal with them.  But mainly, what has prompted this blog is that I almost became a different statistic on Tuesday night driving home from St Louis.  A statistic that no one wants to become, the Troop E number of vehicle accidents.  I have insomnia, some due to the hours I work (night shift), some due to the side effects of MS, and some because I have been sick and napping through the day and random hours of being awake.  I woke up at 3:00 am on Tuesday morning, had an appointment in STL at 1:00 pm.  On the way home, I felt myself nodding off and decided to stop in Frederick town and nap at Wal-Mart (safe and well lit).  After seeing a sign that said I had eight miles left to go, the next thing that registers is that I am no longer on the highway.  I went off-roading in my new RAV4.  The guard rail was on my right, vaguely remember a concrete object to the left.   My brain said “break” my foot pressed harder…on the gas.  I went through the median, then at the end of the guard rail, my car went back up onto the highway.  It was by the GRACE of God that I did not flip my car, that I didn’t hit anything, that no other vehicles were involved.  I have no idea how long I was driving down the median, or how I kept from hurting myself or my vehicle…except by the grace of God.  His hand of protection was upon me.  We all say the quick “go with me today on my travels”, “traveling mercies” when we head out for a road trip…He was with me on my travels; and I am beyond grateful for His mercies.

Though statistics define us, I am beyond relieved that I kept from becoming a Troop E (highway patrol) statistic on Tuesday.  I’m working on finding the “me” behind all the mess and becoming the best nurse and person I can be.  I’m not sure that the legacy I would leave at this point in my life would be one that people would remember.  Sure, I’ve traveled to seven countries and extensively around the US, but will a stamped passport reach anyone?  I have a nursing degree, that about did me in getting, but will hanging my diploma up be enough?  What statistic bracket will satisfy me and make me complete?  Becoming a wife, mother, or furthering my education?

Statistics bring together disparate elements, items that would normally not be compared.  Yet, everyday we compare ourselves to others around us.  We compare ourselves to ourselves, or the ‘self’ that we have created in our heads as to what we think we should be.  When will enough be enough?  When will we be content with where we are in life?

I was saved from becoming a statistic that may have been devastating to some and not even a blip on the radar for others.  But though I was saved from being a Troop E statistic, I am statistic non-the-less.  An element that is compared to others, by others, and with others.  Am I the measuring stick, or what continues to be measured and coming up short.  What statistic will we leave behind?  When will we stop comparing elements that have no business being compared…the disparate elements of our lives?