Living in a shadow…

When I was younger I cast a shadow…only because I was built like the Green Giant and was head and shoulders taller than everyone.  Stuck out like a green giant too…had red hair that was wild on a good day, and like Bozo the clown on the other days.  The Bozo days out numbered the good days more often than naught.  I didn’t quite fit in to the petite blond crowd or the perky brunettes.  It was me, floating between all the different groups of kids not really having a place to fit.  I was the odd block that didn’t fit into any of the shaped holes on the game board.

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, how much you accomplish, or what happens that it’s never going to be enough.  Because you turn around and do something stupid, say the wrong thing, post something on public media, or just ‘be yourself’ in a world where you can’t compete with the shadows around you?

Life is crazy is it not.  We all trudge through it, doing the day to day.  We make mistakes, some bigger than others and some we can’t seem to get away from…but we all make them.  We do our best to have a relationship with our Creator, sometimes failing miserably.  We lose track of time and what has happened, to realize that life has passed us by and we’re standing on the curb with rubbage at our feet, not knowing how we got to that point.

Life is short.  There is so much craziness going on in the world today.  One minute we have loved ones and friends there and the next they are gone.  Sometimes we don’t get to say goodbye, or we say goodbye but not with words that we really want to say.  We fail to tell those around us how we truly feel.  We are in relationships and have friendships that change overnight…sometimes you realize they are more than a friend, and other times you realize they were not a friend at all.

I don’t think people realize they cast shadows.  Some try to cast shadows and only succeed at creating a pall over the area, and it makes everything grey.  Others shadows are cast because they are ‘perfect’ people and others cast their shadows for them by building them up and proclaiming their perfectness.  Individuals bask in their created shadow, some live humbly and try to disclaim their shadow.  But there are shadows non-the-less.

I want to be me.  Living in my crazy, imperfect world.  Not taking anything for granted, because if we blink it could be gone.  I want to break away from the pall of perfection, and give up on trying to live up to the shadows in my life.  I will never measure up to any shadow but my own.  And it’s up to me to make sure that it’s worth casting.  I have made some crazy mistakes in my life, but there is a part of me deep down that would never change them.  I’ve wasted several years of my life on a pipe dream, making a part of my shadow not worth much.  I want to be the best I can.

To be the best I need to find the one shadow that is the same for all…it was cast first in a manger scene by a bright star shining down.  Then again it was cast across a hill by the full moon.  The shadow of a Savior.  I fail daily to uphold my end of this shadow…but if I get this right, then I will succeed in making my own shadow worth viewing.  This is the only shadow worth living in…or comparing oneself to.  The only shadow the truly matters.

Later…ERM

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