I know shock of all shocks…two post in one week. To the two faithful followers I have, I thought you would want to know an update on my last post (my chunkiness issue)…and I have all these thoughts swirling around my head and I needed to get them out so I could focus on my work I need to do (I have seven assignments and four test in the next 35 days…along with class and other such things).
First things first. Update from last post: I have lost two pounds so far this week. I have only had one soda, I ate out once and I ate a healthy choice (buffalitoes and chips/salsa). I also exercised once so far, and will try to do it tomorrow and Sunday too. I have a long way to go, but I’m doing this a week at a time…a day at a time. So I get a gold star this week. :)
Now, for the title. Sometimes I can be an igit. Seriously, I can be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. I have problems enunciating words, I use the wrong words when trying to describe stuff, I say/do things to people that I know when I’m in the process of ‘saying’ and ‘doing’ that I’m totally wrong in what I’m doing but it’s like I’m watching from afar off, and I still proceed. I’m an igit.
I’m stressed beyond stressed right now. My neck muscles are so tight that I feel like my head is going to pop off. My left arm is numb and tingly and won’t stop being that way. My face has been in/out of tingles for a week. I experienced the electrical shocks that shoot down my spine and into my legs when bending my head forward the other day…first time in awhile. I’m trying to carefully walk toward the light at the end of my tunnel called RN, I wish there were a ‘U’ that could be put in the middle of those initials and that I could get to the end faster by RuNing. Unfortunately it’s a day at a time.
I’ve been told recently that I try to be something that I’m not by portraying a different ‘accent’ and using words that don’t belong here in Ripley County, and that I need to work on how I present myself and ‘speak’ because it affects how others perceive me. Makes one feel about two inches tall and question all aspects of their life to figure out if they really are fake, and what part is the true person, and what changes need to be made. Which just adds to the a fore mentioned stress. I know I’m not perfect by any means…but I hope that I’m more than a billboard advertising something that isn’t true. I love my little town where you’re more than just a number and a person on the street. People actually know you and your family, and it’s a community that pulls together. I don’t want to be less than what I am. I cannot help it if I grew up in a household with a mother that traveled around the states growing up so she doesn’t have an accent for me to pick up; and that I lived away from here for four years in a city that I love to visit, so I have different words and sometimes I pronounce them differently. I’m a packaged deal. I do not consciously try to be something that I am not and to portray something other than me. Accept me for me, all my quirks and failures…and I will accept you for you, and all your quirks and failures.
Sometimes I wish there was a rewind button on life. It would be easier to review stuff that has transpired over the past couple of weeks…and if we were lucky we could possibly change some things that have happened and have shaped the person that we have become and are…but then we wouldn’t be ourselves and what fun would that be.
Good news…I received a scholarship the other day, with the promise of more to come. Feeling beyond blessed. They are supposed to be writing a story on me because I’m the first girl to have received this scholarship in awhile. We’ll see what happens.
So…to wrap up this tirade so I can get back to paying bills and doing some homework….
Sometimes I can be an igit.
I’m sorry if I have ever hurt anyone’s feelings during this time of igitry.
I’m sorry if I sometimes come off as trying to be something I’m not.
I’m human. I make mistakes. Please accept me, I accept you.
Until later…ERM