Archive for November 2012

Thanksgiving…My heart if full

It’s here…the day that has been set aside each year for us to gather together, stuff our faces, complain about being ‘full’ and going back for thirds, all while being surrounded by friends and family.  Oh wait!  I meant to say a day set aside for us to be Thankful and to share with family and friends…otherwise known as Thanksgiving.

I have so much to be thankful for, I am beyond blessed.  Last Sunday my pastor (Rev. Chuck Carr) preached about being thankful for the stuff we ‘don’t’ have.  Sometimes we wait until we’re blessed or something totally awesome happens before we take time out to say ‘thanks’ to God (or others); when in reality we should be thankful for the stuff that we don’t get or that doesn’t happen; i.e. the fact that I drive back and forth to Poplar Bluff every day and make it there and back safe and sound.  That my car has wheels that still go round-n-round.  That my washer broke and has to be fixed, but at least the belt didn’t catch on fire and burn my utility room up.  There are so MANY little things that (doesn’t) happen that we just take for granted (for instance breathing) that we fail to be thankful for.  So instead of waiting for the ‘big one’ to say thanks, start with the simple stuff and with all the ‘unanswered’ prayers (what we thought we needed at the time, but when it didn’t happen we realized that it was better that way anyway).  It was a good sermon, and made one stop and think.

Some things I’m thankful for:

1.  My family (parents and extended).  They support me (financially, spiritually), they are my sounding board for my thoughts and frustrations, they love me unconditionally (with all my faults and failures), and I know they would be there regardless.

2. My church.  It’s one of the greatest places ever.  My extended church family is there to support me and keep things going.  The accept me and everyone else with open arms.  I have the best Pastor and Bishop a person could ask for…and I love them all very much.

3.  My brother and his family.  They moved in about three years ago for a three month stay.  They are helping me make ends meet while I’m in school, by paying rent so I can make my house payment (since the place won’t sell).  There has been adjustments along the way, some give-n-take, and my OCD challenged with the new arrangement of my fridge and pantry.  But I wouldn’t trade them for anything, and I couldn’t have made it this far in the program without them being here with as little debt as I have incurred so far.

4.  School.  It may drive me to the funny farm, and some of the methods to the madness drives me bonkers…I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  The opportunities to help people and to learn the art of being a nurse, so I can go forward and be an advocate for people and to help them and be there for them.  It’s priceless.  I am thankful for this opportunity and for the friendships I have created with the other student’s in my class.  We shall keep swimming…and we will make it to the end!!

5.  My illness.  I have MS, it does funky things to my body, I have to take shots three times a week.  I’ve been blessed with a great network that helps me with my medications (MS Lifelines), and was given one of the top doctors in the industry who is very well known in the MS Society (Dr Barry Singer), and it has helped me understand and I have compassion on individuals who are dealing with their illness.  It also gives me the opportunity to practice giving shots. :)

6.  My grandparents and the time I had with them while they were here.  Growing up I had six grandparents and three great-grandparents living until I was around 16 years old.  Some people were lucky to have one.  The first great-grandparent that I lost was my Great-grandpa March (he was 103), then it was another eight years or so my Grandma McClintock (12/2003) passed.  Then it was my Great-grandma McClintock (9/2009), Granny Gentry (7/2010), then my Grandpa McClintock (9/2012), and Grandpa March (9/2012).  I’m left with one remaining Grandma (Foster) and my step-grandmother (Ruby).  I have a legacy and very full and blessed childhood having them all be a part of my life.

I could go on and on: my car, the financial blessings I’ve received over the past two years, my friends, and so-on and so-on.  God has put so much in my life that it is over flowing.

I just want to wish all that have read this a very Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope you have a wonderful day with friends and family.  And I make the suggestion to stop on more occasions than just this one day and be thankful for what you have…and what you don’t have.

ERM

 

The countdown is on…I’m thankful

One countdown:  I have exactly a month and four days from today before my third semester of school is over.  Then I have sixteen weeks, that’s right folks, let’s count them…16 weeks until I have the opportunity (Lord willing) to walk across the stage and be pinned as an RN.  Part of me is totally excited and the other part of me is scared spit-less.  I will be solely responsible for people, without my teacher following behind me to make sure I do everything right and do the right interventions, and after two years of having a shadow it may seem like the sun disappears.  But I know that I will have been equipped with the knowledge that I need, and it may be baby steps to start with, but I will take flight and hopefully make my teachers proud.

Two countdown: We’re making plans for Thanksgiving.  w00t!!  It is 12 days away.  We’re doing traditional (Turkey, green bean bundles, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie, cherry jello stuff)…my stomach hurts just thinking about it.  We always have way more food than what we need, but I’m thankful.  I’m thankful for a family that loves me regardless of my shortcomings.  I’m thankful that I have a brother that despite the adjustments we’ve all had to make he and his family have stayed to help me meet my financial needs while going to school.  I’m thankful for a mom and dad that would do anything for me and help me out when I need them (fixing the car, cutting trees, giving money, baking snacks for my class).  I’m thankful for all my aunt’s and uncles, cousins, and extended family that I know would come at the drop of a hat if something happened.  I’m thankful for a church family that supports me (and everyone) and accepts people for who and what they are; who I know prays for me.  There’s nothing better than knowing that I have a God who watches over me, and He has a people who supports and loves me.  I don’t tell people enough that I love them, the more people I lose out of my life (my two grandfather’s in one week) makes it easier to let those words slide off your tongue when you go to hang up the phone ~ you just never know when the last conversation will be.  I have a hard time grasping families and situations where there isn’t a bond that’s strong.  I am BLESSED to have and be loved by a great family, extended family, and church family.  It’s amazing to be me.

Countdown three: I’ve made it to the gym twice this week, and I have a day left.  Yeah me!!  It’s so easy to let oneself go and before you know it you wake up and your clothes are just a little tighter and you can’t breath when you bend over to tie your shoes.  I blame it on being busy and not having time to plan ahead, or I get busy and grab something easy (fast food normally).  It won’t be easy if I end up having a heart attack and can’t get out of bed, or end up with diabetes and have other health issues because of that, or end up being 600 lbs and unable to fit through the doorway of my house.  There will be a lot more things that are actually ‘not easy’ compared to taking control of my life now.  Not to mention the fact of beating MS (which I already have), and keeping my muscle tone from going away and not being able to feel things like I want to.  Is it easy?  No.  Do I promise to be 100% from this day forward?  I will try my best.  I cannot promise that I will be Ms. Olympus by Christmas, but I may be able to breath when I bend over to put my shoe on and tie it.  One step, one pound, one day at a time.  The countdown is on!! :)

Need to run…work is calling my name, then study time, then relax ~ maybe. :)

ERM

 

Sometimes I can be an igit…

I know shock of all shocks…two post in one week.  To the two faithful followers I have, I thought you would want to know an update on my last post (my chunkiness issue)…and I have all these thoughts swirling around my head and I needed to get them out so I could focus on my work I need to do (I have seven assignments and four test in the next 35 days…along with class and other such things).

First things first.  Update from last post: I have lost two pounds so far this week.  I have only had one soda, I ate out once and I ate a healthy choice (buffalitoes and chips/salsa).  I also exercised once so far, and will try to do it tomorrow and Sunday too.  I have a long way to go, but I’m doing this a week at a time…a day at a time.  So I get a gold star this week. :)

Now, for the title.  Sometimes I can be an igit.  Seriously, I can be the stupidest person on the face of the earth.  I have problems enunciating words, I use the wrong words when trying to describe stuff, I say/do things to people that I know when I’m in the process of ‘saying’ and ‘doing’ that I’m totally wrong in what I’m doing but it’s like I’m watching from afar off, and I still proceed.  I’m an igit.

I’m stressed beyond stressed right now.  My neck muscles are so tight that I feel like my head is going to pop off.  My left arm is numb and tingly and won’t stop being that way.  My face has been in/out of tingles for a week.  I experienced the electrical shocks that shoot down my spine and into my legs when bending my head forward the other day…first time in awhile.  I’m trying to carefully walk toward the light at the end of my tunnel called RN, I wish there were a ‘U’ that could be put in the middle of those initials and that I could get to the end faster by RuNing.  Unfortunately it’s a day at a time.

I’ve been told recently that I try to be something that I’m not by portraying a different ‘accent’ and using words that don’t belong here in Ripley County, and that I need to work on how I present myself and ‘speak’ because it affects how others perceive me.  Makes one feel about two inches tall and question all aspects of their life to figure out if they really are fake, and what part is the true person, and what changes need to be made.  Which just adds to the a fore mentioned stress.  I know I’m not perfect by any means…but I hope that I’m more than a billboard advertising something that isn’t true.  I love my little town where you’re more than just a number and a person on the street.  People actually know you and your family, and it’s a community that pulls together.  I don’t want to be less than what I am.  I cannot help it if I grew up in a household with a mother that traveled around the states growing up so she doesn’t have an accent for me to pick up; and that I lived away from here for four years in a city that I love to visit, so I have different words and sometimes I pronounce them differently.  I’m a packaged deal.  I do not consciously try to be something that I am not and to portray something other than me.  Accept me for me, all my quirks and failures…and I will accept you for you, and all your quirks and failures.

Sometimes I wish there was a rewind button on life. It would be easier to review stuff that has transpired over the past couple of weeks…and if we were lucky we could possibly change some things that have happened and have shaped the person that we have become and are…but then we wouldn’t be ourselves and what fun would that be.

Good news…I received a scholarship the other day, with the promise of more to come.  Feeling beyond blessed.  They are supposed to be writing a story on me because I’m the first girl to have received this scholarship in awhile.  We’ll see what happens.

So…to wrap up this tirade so I can get back to paying bills and doing some homework….

Sometimes I can be an igit.
I’m sorry if I have ever hurt anyone’s feelings during this time of igitry.
I’m sorry if I sometimes come off as trying to be something I’m not.
I’m human.  I make mistakes.  Please accept me, I accept you.

Until later…ERM