It’s the Lord’s day, a day of rest. My internal alarm clock knows no different from the other days of the week…so therefore I’m up at 6:30. That’s actually kinda sleeping in for me, sad I know, but hey we’ll take it. Since my last post so much stuff has happened, I know I say that a lot but my life right now is so busy that a ton of stuff happens in a week and some I forget and some things are seared on my brain to be forever remembered.
I turned 35. I know, I’m getting old. I don’t really have anything to show for my age. I’m not married, I don’t have children, I don’t have a job that I went to college for. Instead I’m currently in school again, working two jobs to support myself, getting gray hair, single, own a home I’m trying to sell, and battling the bulge. What have I done? I went to a private Christian College and received a BA in Christian Education that I never used, and no one else will acknowledge (though I would not trade those four years for anything, I made friends that I still have contact with today ~ 12 yrs later); I’ve traveled all over the place (China, Taiwan, Argentina, Honduras, Ireland, Canada, and several of the states); and I’ve continued living my life as best I can. Sometimes it has needed some tweaking, but we’re going “one day at a time”.
My friends, Kim and Bronson Frost, got to bring their baby home (in April). Gyddeon was allowed to come home still weighing under 5 lbs, his pediatrician is very proud of him. He is currently around 5.2 lbs, and doing great. Our God is an awesome God!!
I’ve learned that a person’s psych is controlling. Even if you don’t know it at the time, later when you have time to sit and think things through and evaluate what happened and how you reacted, you come to realize that the psych is a powerful thing. I know that I’m not the perfect student, and I struggle (I’m a ‘monkey see, monkey do’ learner, and the program I am in is more focused on self actualization and self-teaching); my acute care training was almost my undoing. We had isolation precautions, which means every time I went in a room I was dressing out in protective gear. I’m on an immunosuppressive drug for my MS. My doctor has assured me that I shouldn’t be more susceptible to sickness; but knowing that I kill my own immune system by taking Rebif so I can function somewhat normally, was hiding in the back of my head. My normal instincts went on hold, I was unable to focus properly and do the critical thinking that should have been done without prompting. I answered questions, and I did follow through when asked…but it was not my best performance. Looking back, I realized that protective gear and my psych could possibly have been playing against me more than I realized. Or maybe I’m trying to think of excuses that will explain why my brain didn’t work fast enough that day, to come up with all the information that was needed. Either way, I have to pick myself up, dust myself off, and put my big girl panties on and face the rest of this with the resolve that I CAN DO IT.
Next week is Mother’s Day. The lady at Wal-Mart reminded me and a fellow classmate the other day. We were like ‘huh’, and then explained that we were in school and at this point in time other things around us are not kept up with. She said ‘are you in the nursing program’, and when we affirmed that we were she said ‘I have a friend that has asked for a reminder next Saturday, she’s in the program too…so I made a note to text her and remind her’. We live a very sad existence, when friends have to text you about important things going on in the world to remind you that it’s happening. But so is life.
I could continue typing for ever. But it’s getting late (8:00 am); I have studying I could do (test on Monday) or I could get up and go to church and get the bulletin done before everyone arrives. Then I would be in church for the whole service. I need me some God time. I’m so thankful that He loves me, and no matter how far off track I’ve been or have gone He’s still there calling my name and waiting with open arms. He’s a good God, and without Him I would more than likely be certifiable insane right now.
ERM