Being a full time student, working two jobs, and still trying to attend church on a regular basis (and actually pay attention to what’s happening) and have a relationship with God (which is lacking somewhat…I’m terrible), the little things are starting to matter more and more.
I have a Bible reading program and it’s just four chapters a day…and yet I still fall behind. I continually pray/talk to God throughout the day, but I don’t have quiet time with Him (my fail I know…but I seldom have quiet time to pee). I’ve stopped my gym membership, I’ve resorted to doing squats while brushing my teeth and push-ups against the counter before/after brushing my hair. During my study time if I take a break, I try to throw some leg lunges and weights into the mix. I’m actually typing this as I lay in bed with the lights out, because it’s actually bed time but I just put the books away so I thought I would share some thoughts ~ since my mind is going a zillion miles a minute.
There are some things that I take for granted, some big some small…yet I want them to matter more than anything:
1. God. He gives me breath, love, mercy.
2. Family. They love me even when I’m cranky or not the best person I should/could be. They are there when I need them (to change tires, fix faucets, etc)
3. Having time to shave my legs. ~ not that big of a deal until you realize that it’s been about a week, because that extra 5 minutes in the shower can be spent either sleeping or reading a few paragraphs in a book.
4. Flossing my teeth. I promote ‘self-care’ as a nursing student, yet I fail miserably in keeping ‘self’ cared for.
5. Having love and understanding from that one person in our lives that basically drives us insane. ~ One day I will either get it, or be released from it
6. Friends. Even though they may not be close, or there to talk to…they are a phone call/text away and the true ones pull through for you when you need it. (I want to be a true friend)
(Side note: When one of the above happen, or something falls into place for that day…it’s like you can actually feel the light shinning down from heaven and the hallelujah song being sung. You feel like you almost have things together)
I take so much in my life for granted. I’m so crazy busy right now with a plate loaded down with due dates for projects, clinical, and other homework; seasoned with a good supply of anxiety and fear that I won’t make it through this semester to continue on my journey (as we all struggle with testing and information overload)…but I want to be able to stop and smell the roses. It’s all part of that ‘self’ care that we promote as student nurses. Exercise, deep breathing, relaxation, time for self. It’s the little things…
Sometimes I put myself into situations hoping that it will get me a crumb from the table of someone that my mind has built up as someone important. I do what I can to help them out when they need it, and try to do what I think/thought was right. It puts me in a position to be ridiculed by others, because they see a bigger picture and know more of the other story lines involved. I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I KNOW, but then I realize that I probably don’t know everything. But yet, I want the little things to matter, to mean something.
One day I will see my dreams and hopes come to fruition. My little/big things will also matter to someone else and will be their little/big thing list too. But until that day arrives (if it arrives), I want to start making the little/big things matter in my life now. To appreciate them, not take them so much for granted. It’s one day at a time, and I may not always succeed or conquer this grand idea of mine…but it’s the little things…
ERM