2012 February :: Life and Times of Leish

Archive for February 2012

It’s the Little Things…

Being a full time student, working two jobs, and still trying to attend church on a regular basis (and actually pay attention to what’s happening) and have a relationship with God (which is lacking somewhat…I’m terrible), the little things are starting to matter more and more.

I have a Bible reading program and it’s just four chapters a day…and yet I still fall behind.  I continually pray/talk to God throughout the day, but I don’t have quiet time with Him (my fail I know…but I seldom have quiet time to pee).  I’ve stopped my gym membership, I’ve resorted to doing squats while brushing my teeth and push-ups against the counter before/after brushing my hair.  During my study time if I take a break, I try to throw some leg lunges and weights into the mix.  I’m actually typing this as I lay in bed with the lights out, because it’s actually bed time but I just put the books away so I thought I would share some thoughts ~ since my mind is going a zillion miles a minute.

There are some things that I take for granted, some big some small…yet I want them to matter more than anything:

1.  God.  He gives me breath, love, mercy.

2.  Family.  They love me even when I’m cranky or not the best person I should/could be.  They are there when I need them (to change tires, fix faucets, etc)

3.  Having time to shave my legs.  ~ not that big of a deal until you realize that it’s been about a week, because that extra 5 minutes in the shower can be spent either sleeping or reading a few paragraphs in a book.

4.  Flossing my teeth.  I promote ‘self-care’ as a nursing student, yet I fail miserably in keeping ‘self’ cared for.

5.  Having love and understanding from that one person in our lives that basically drives us insane. ~ One day I will either get it, or be released from it

6.  Friends.  Even though they may not be close, or there to talk to…they are a phone call/text away and the true ones pull through for you when you need it.  (I want to be a true friend)

(Side note:  When one of the above happen, or something falls into place for that day…it’s like you can actually feel the light shinning down from heaven and the hallelujah song being sung.  You feel like you almost have things together)

I take so much in my life for granted.  I’m so crazy busy right now with a plate loaded down with due dates for projects, clinical, and other homework; seasoned with a good supply of anxiety and fear that I won’t make it through this semester to continue on my journey (as we all struggle with testing and information overload)…but I want to be able to stop and smell the roses.  It’s all part of that ‘self’ care that we promote as student nurses.  Exercise, deep breathing, relaxation, time for self.  It’s the little things…

Sometimes I put myself into situations hoping that it will get me a crumb from the table of someone that my mind has built up as someone important.  I do what I can to help them out when they need it, and try to do what I think/thought was right.  It puts me in a position to be ridiculed by others, because they see a bigger picture and know more of the other story lines involved.  I want to scream at the top of my lungs that I KNOW, but then I realize that I probably don’t know everything.  But yet, I want the little things to matter, to mean something.

One day I will see my dreams and hopes come to fruition.  My little/big things will also matter to someone else and will be their little/big thing list too.  But until that day arrives (if it arrives), I want to start making the little/big things matter in my life now.  To appreciate them, not take them so much for granted.  It’s one day at a time, and I may not always succeed or conquer this grand idea of mine…but it’s the little things…




Happy Valentine’s Day

Ah, the day of LOVE.  What better time to let those around you know that you love them, regardless of what they may do ~ or what you may do ~ that would possibly contradict the fact that you truly do love them.

Not only our mortal beings, but also the One that loves us unconditionally.  John 3:16:  “For God so loved the world that He gave…”  Sometimes we forget this tidbit.  God loved us enough to give His son for our sins…and we trample over that love.  We take it for granted and abuse it (or at least I know I do).  It’s time to start giving.  Give of your time, your money, your energy…of ‘self’.  Sometimes it’s easy to give of our money, we drop a few dollars in the collection box/can and don’t give it another thought.  It’s time to give of ourselves…to be willing to be available to those around us.  It may be inconvenient sometimes and we may rather give of monetary items.  But if we call ourselves ‘christian’ how can we not model ourselves after our Creator and give?  He gave His all ~ His life ~ how can we do less?

It’s a struggle I have, to show love.  It means you have to be vulnerable and trust.  Two issues I have and am working on.  Hopefully one day I will be able to be Christ like and able to give of myself unconditionally.  So on this day of ‘love’ I look inward and reevaluate my thoughts and processes and consider the True Love of the world…and I will strive to be more like Him (not saying it’s going to happen overnight and I’ll just ‘poof’ be fixed and perfect…it’s a process folks).

Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone…let your loved ones know they’re loved.  Let those around you know they are loved, you may be that ‘umph’ someone needs to make it through their day.

God is Love…share that!!


Thursday, February 9

Wow.  That’s pretty much all I can say right now.  Regardless of how you say it (frontward or backward) it’s still the same expression.  There has been so much that has transpired over the past month that my head is spinning.  I went back to school for my second semester of RN school, and I’m pretty sure that my head could possibly explode.  I understand that I am an adult learner, that I got into this program knowing that it would be hard, difficult, and taxing…but, I’m a ‘monkey see, monkey do’ adult learner.  If I’m shown how to do something, given pointers on how it’s done, and walked through the steps of how to do something I most of the time grasp what is going on.  I don’t do well with being thrown into a situation, expecting to know how to do something that I’ve never done before.  But alas…that’s my life as an adult learner.  This could very well be the death of me. :)  I’m still taking it one day at a time, trying to figure a way to quit my job and just do school full time…but not lose my house, car, or sanity.  I’ve basically killed the Rain Forest so far this semester and it’s only been a month.  I’ve participated in several discussion boards, have several more to accomplish this weekend before our test on Monday, and my goal on my next Wal-Mart trip is to buy a 5 inch binder because my three is already to small.  It’s going to be a long semester…and yet here I type on this rather than reading about schizophrenia.

We had some awesome church this past month with Rev. Tony Stoddart from Joplin, MO.  He is a walking testimony that God can take you through the fire and you still stand strong on the other side.  His family has dealt with the judicial system, a tornado that wiped their city out that in turn made them lose some of their church, and a four wheeler accident that turned their child’s life upside down.  Yet, Bro. Stoddart stood in front of us and told us how ‘faithful’ God is.  About the ‘King that Lives in Me’.  About a “change of reference point” that is required to stop thinking about the past and focusing on the future.  That we just have to ‘keep plowing’, we may get tired but we have to preserver.  We need to ‘Look Who’s Holding the Baby’ and to ‘Nourish It’ no matter what, it’s ours and we have this gift that we have been given.  We may need to separate ourselves from some things…but it has life and we need to let it grow.  It was a great two weekends that we were privileged to have him in our church.

My friend, Kim, had her baby on Monday, 2/6.  She was 28 weeks along and by the grace of God was saved by a nurse that was reviewing her chart and realized that she could possibly have HELLP Syndrome.  Some crazy stuff.  BUT, the baby was perfectly formed, strong, and was names Gyddeon Andre…a mighty warrior.  Scary stuff, but an awesome turnout.

<– The mighty Gyddeon Andre Frost :)

Following is the story of the picture…taken by his dad:

Just got back from seeing my mighty warrior…i love him so much……..i was talking to him and reading outta bible and told him people across the nation was praying and about many lives he’s already touched and that we were going to have prayer before I left and stuck my hand finger in there and he reached up and grabbed my hand. — Bronson Frost





Well, I need to be wrapping this up…still have a paper on Schizophrenia to do before tomorrow morning and I’ve wasted enough time venting…plus my arm is going numb and I need to do some exercises.  My brain is having issues the past couple of weeks, not sure how much is stress related, MS related, or just dumbness.  I will not allow myself the crutch of ‘illness’ to rule my life, but I do need some relief and a way to remember things.  Two and 1/2 more semesters…I can do this. :)