Head full of ‘stuff’…

Today is June 12, it’s been a crazy Spring so far and so much stuff has been going on I don’t know where to start with news.  I’ve been putting off posting anything recent because I didn’t know where I was going to go with what’s in my head, heart, life…how to put it into words.  If I was going to be flippant, sarcastic, on the line of right/wrong…some of you may be wondering what in the world is going on and where I’m going with this; that’s what I’m trying to figure out.  My personality would take me to being sarcastic and flippant; and some of you would see it as being borderline.  But I know and God knows, and I guess that all that matters…the rest of you (all two of you that read it) will just take it with a grain of salt.

I’ll tell happy news.  Today we did a photo shoot with the family, I’ll post a link later with the family photos…I think (and hope) they turned out well.  Well see, I wore my hair down and it ended up getting a little hot and humid so I could end up being like Bozo the Clown in some of them…but I think it went well.

Last weekend I went to Columbia, MO, to help a friend do some work on his house.  While speaking on the phone back in February we were comparing calendars and he said that they were doing an Amish Barn Raising the first weekend of June.  I was like, cool!!  I had the weekend off and I thought it would be cool to go up and do a community thing and help build a house/barn for someone.  Well, the barn that was being raised was actually his own house.  After finding out it was a weekend where friends from all over were coming in to help him get some jobs done around the house, I decided to go ahead and go and pitch in.  It was awesome!!  I had a great time.  I got to meet his family (dad/brothers) and several friends from Chicago (who were dieing in the MO heat…they don’t know how we stand it here).  We spent the weekend working around his house and chilling out at night around a ‘hot dog’ fire (we’re not allowed to have a fire in the city unless it was for food purposes…I didn’t eat one hot dog all weekend).  Here’s pics from my weekend venture:  Habitat Weekend in Columbia.  I also got to meet up with an old college friend…we did dinner and ice cream on Saturday night.  It was a great weekend!!  I was happy to get away.

My nieces and nephew have decided that they want a little cousin; so they feel it’s time for me to get married and have a baby.  I told them that I would get right on that.  I just need to shave about ten years off my age and lose about 500 lbs…then I would fit into the mold that most of the guys around here are going for and I could possibly get married and supply the wanted cousin.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid that they will be well grown before any cousin, if any cousin, comes into the picture.

Now for other news…I woke up on March 20 with a couple of fingers numb on my hand…by the next day my whole hand/arm was numb.  Two weeks later when I would bend my head forward I would get shock sensations that would run down my back and into my legs.  I went to the doctor and had test ran, and they said that it was a bulging disc that was pushing into my spinal cord and I would need surgery and that my brain scan came back good (Dr. Zupres read the results).  I went to a spine specialist at Barnes Hospital, and he wondered why I came to see him, because my spine was that of a healthy 33 year old, so bulging disc.  I had an appointment with Dr. Singer at MO Baptist two weeks following the appointment with Dr. Leuthardt @ Barnes.  When I arrived at Singer’s office, he was not expecting to find anything on the scans I had in hand because all the information he received said I had clean scans…yadda, yadda.  So he does the initial examination, goes to view the scans I brought with me, and calls me into his office for a consultation.  He gave me the news I did not want to hear, that I had half-way accepted but I wanted to SCREAM at the unfairness of it all…my brother had it, wasn’t that enough.  What twisted sense of rightness makes it o.k. to have two family members with MS.  I was told on March 27, 2010, that I had MS.  I would be started on steroid infusion treatment the next week to try and fix the inflammation on my spine to try to get some of the numbness out of my arm, and then I would go on Rebif (injections 3x’s a week…for life).  As long as I stayed on the meds the dr was pretty positive that I would do well…he’s not the one living with a numb arm and tingles either.  When you touch anything or move you get this feeling in your arm that reminds you that something is wrong with you…that you’re not ‘right’ anymore, that there’s this silent thing going on in your body that you can do nothing about.  Then to reference the info above about my nieces and nephew wanting a cousin…who knows if that will ever happen.  Most of the time when you get married, you promise ‘in sickness and health’ — just ‘IN CASE’ something comes up…normally you don’t go in knowing that you’ll have the ‘in sickness’ without knowing what that will in-tale.

When I returned to the initial doctor for a follow up appointment and told him the guy at Barnes wanted to know why I was there, because my spine was normal…he was shocked!!  Because it says right in his notes that I had a bulging disc.  Apparently he didn’t personally look at my scans, because my respiratory therapist friend looked at them, and questioned where the bulging disc was because she did not see one on them.   I told him I was diagnosed with MS, and he then told me that it probably wasn’t the carpal tunnel that was causing my hand to be numb, and I could stop wearing the braces he ordered me to to get…do you think!!  You mean my ‘slight chance of the START of carpal tunnel that you said I could possible have isn’t what was making my hand numb?  And I paid good money for this opinion. :)

So…yeah, my head is full of stuff.  I’m trying to stay positive.  I know that God knows where I am, and what I’m going through, the questions that I have.  Some are treating me like I have the plague or something…since they’ve found out the lines of communication have become null and void.  It’s not like it’s contagious or anything!  I’m taking it one day, one step at a time.  I know that God can take care of it, we have a lady in our church that was healed of MS who lives a normal life with a family.  It’s whether or not He will take of it here, or on the other side.  He is good and faithful, and regardless I will praise Him…and I know that regardless…How He Loves Us…I am His portion and He is my prize!!!


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